Cadaver Lab Episode 31: Masters of Horror - Post Mortem

Here it is! Cadaver Lab Episode 31: Masters of Horror - Post Mortem. This episode we do a quick overview of the Showtime program called Masters of Horror. The thought behind this program is to get the best horror directors (such as John Carpenter, Dario Argento, Stewart Gordon, and Takashi Miike) and give them the chance to direct a one hour short film to showcase their talents. This idea was the brainchild of famed horror director Mick Garris. This show ran for two years and then was cut from Showtime's schedule. It was reincarnated as Fear Itself on NBC for one season.

As usual, we present the things that you've come to expect from Cadaver Lab. We do some feedback including email and some voicemails. You are also treated to Sam's Man on the Street segment as well as an awesome tribute!

Download the Episode Directly

Music for this episode:

• Antiworld - Tallman (by request from Rotten 138)
• Megadeth - Scorpion (as requested by everybody out there... you know you love Megadeth)
• Death Stars - White Wedding
  

Presenting Doctor’s Rounds “lucky number” 07. Not Lucky Number Slevin, cos that was shite. And had Josh Hartnett in it. He doesn’t appear here and neither does Bruce Willis. Or Morgan Freeman, who was also in that movie I think. Although if they did, maybe more people would actually read this… am I rambling? Sorry. I get lonely here. Please leave some feedback via the funky new Comment link to show you care. Or suffer more inane mutterings next time. You have been warned.

Kruger on VIDEO: I was only three years old when VIDEODROME was originally released to a bemused and mostly repulsed audience. So it was only many years after that I finally got to experience the visceral and frankly rather sweaty 80’s classic. Where most early 80’s horror are worthy of appreciation for their execution or originality given the era, this one has succeeded in leaving audiences feeling coated in its filthy essence through the decades since release.

Well I’m sure you’ll be shocked to read that it’s slated for a hi-tech remake. Unexpected, right? No? Fair enough… Universal Studios have hired Ehren Kruger to re-imagine the surreal horrors that interactivity with visual media could bring about. Now, is it me, or is that message not as, lets say visionary as it was twenty six whole years ago?!

On the plus side, Kruger (no relation to Frederick) successfully translated similar themes in the US remake of RINGU. On the down side, he also inflicted us with BLOOD & CHOCOLATE which unfortunately wasn’t a new variety of Ben & Jerry’s for premenstrual Goths. Because that would have been more fun.

Do you think the blur between reality and video be portrayed with as much sense of ethereal horror to today’s YouTube generation? Let us know below…

Return to SLIME CITY: This is one for the fans of grimy midnight classics… the sequel to the 1988 cult movie SLIME CITY, intriguingly titled SLIME CITY MASSACRE, is due to lens this July in Buffalo. Gregory Lamberson returns to direct proceedings.

SLIME CITY MASSACRE tells the story of four squatters as they struggle to survive in New York City following terrorist attacks and the collapse of the financial system. The gang come across an abandoned soup kitchen with it’s own supply of wine. This particular wine is seemingly the house special and probably French, as it turns those who drink it into psychotic slime creatures.

Sounds like slimy, schlocky fun! And if there’s wine on offer, you can bet I’ll be there early doors! But does anyone know of a movie that’s had a sequel produced more that twenty one years after the original? If so, post ‘em below.

TOOLBOX MURDERS Legends: I didn’t even know that there were plans to follow up Tobe Hooper’s pretty good remake of THE TOOLBOX MURDERS with an original sequel - but they’re doing it anyway. What’s more, they’ve recently announced the first castings. What’s even more than that is the list of names given!

What genre fan hasn’t imagined Jeffery Combs, Lance Henrikson and Tony Todd in the same movie? Well we shall imagine no more, fellow dreamers, for it is reality! Hell, throw Campbell, Moseley or Englund in there and you can consider me spent!!

As for the story (who really cares?) the writer/director Dean Jones assures that the movie, “…will not be gore for the sake of having gore...it has depth and style.” Oh well, can’t have it all I suppose.

Robert R. Best - Strangeland Review

Before I let Rob take it away with his review for Strangeland, I just want to make sure everybody visits his site and supports his awesome writing. He has been a friend of the show for a very long time and we really appreciate his willingness to let us publish his reviews. Visit him here: http://robertrbest.com/

-Mike

Dee Snyder uses chat rooms to lure teenage girls to his house so her can torture and kill them. And when he kidnaps a cop's daughter, the computer-phobic cop must learn how to use the internet to find her.

Like many other 90's computer-themed movies (think The Net), the computer stuff is not very realistic. Dee Snyder is even able to talk (as in, send audio) over what is probably a dial-up connection, with crystal clarity and no buffering.

Snyder wrote the script but didn't direct. Which is probably good, because the script is kind of weak. I mean, it's not the monstrosity you would expect the guy from Twisted Sister to write, but it's not all that good, either. He also doesn't act all that well, which is bad because he wrote lots of dialogue for himself.

Another weakness is how this movie is really two movies plastered together. The second movie starts when Dee is caught then released years later as reformed. The community torments him until he finally reverts to crazy-time. The thematic shift, coming at the middle of the movie, is abrupt and awkward.

One thing, though. One of the protesters outside his house has a sign reading "We're not gonna take it." And that makes up for a lot.

Let me relay to you a special little conversation I had with my Left Nipple:

LeftNip: Ferguson my love, is this The Portal with Michael Madsen, Stacy Keach, and Roddy Piper?! Oh, how great the day, that sounds absolutely swell! Do I get to see one of them naked, or all of them nude piled up like a boar on top of a boar on top of an older hairier more wrinkled boar!

Ferg: …uh, well, no actually. This is an equally horrific display of a movie from Windchill Films.

LeftNip: Windchill Films, oh sweet, they made Candy Stripers and Séance, dude they got a new movie! Damn, is it me or is it getting cold in here?!

Ferg: oh, man, I’m sorry, but this thing… it ain’t like that, it’s more like an unconvincingly bad dream.

LeftNip: Yes? And is there twisting involved?

Ferg: oh, you dirty little… your so cute (and hairy), if only my tongue were longer…

MEANWHILE…

Let’s say you started to write a script and stopped. Have you perhaps found yourself stumped, well this movie has the answer to your writers block problem (the E.D. problem you have, well this will actually make it worse.)

LIGHTBULB MOMENT!

It’s simple really, just copy what you’ve already ‘written’ and YOU NOW HAVE TWICE THE SCRIPT! In fact why stop there? Do it again! Now you practically have a full movie and all you had to do was a little word perfect magic! Next we add some spice, and what says scary like FOGGY roads. Yes! Add a woman that in far too many ways resembles a brontosaurus. Double Plus! Don’t stop now, throw in our main ‘hero’ that gets to have lots of anonymous sex with (not) very hot (allegedly female) chicks! Ha, but now to the horror, they tricked you, he gets drugged by food laced with… uh, ashes? (Really?) Anyway he doesn’t remember any of the (not) hot sex and you don’t get to see it! True terror…

Our hero with the aid of a wisecracking (Steve Buscemi wannabe) sidekick get caught in HORRIBLE fog and must stop at a motel. Peculiarities ensue and they are unable to leave. No, they are not held against their will vacancy style, but rather, they can’t find their keys, or they fall asleep, because it’s been proven that bad acting causes forgetfulness and narcolepsy. HORRIBLE! Since they can’t remember (because of the ashes?) our truly outrageous guys relive the same night over and over. And Bronto-bitch has pregnant women in cages! Behind the terror is a bad toupee, a gay (sleeveless) boy and a transsexual (they claim it’s a women, I’ll challenge it to the Dundee test on that one). HORRIBLE! They are trying to get a baby to be born so the fog will go away, no really I watched it a couple times and I think that’s what’s going on. Well, maybe I’m mistaken and they were all doing this as a double-a therapy kind of thing to overcome personal demons and keep each other from drinking. They really should have stuck to drinking Everclear and huffing paint while weeping in a dim lit public bathroom.

Evil beings got you trapped in another dimension, easy, just whack ‘em 23 times with a stick (yes, I counted) and they die. Now that’s hardcore to the max. The only actual nudity we get is a chick with what appears to be a scar from sternum to stomach; perhaps she really is a dead body post autopsy. That gave the movie a glimmer of hope for a fleeting moment, but sadly was followed by Bronto-bitch summoning CGI flames that burned… well nothing actually. It was pretty dumb.

Alright, I really tried, but that’s it, I give up, if watching people read their lines and fear of death by boredom are your thing, then this flick is for you. The deaths are so incredibly lame and there are no attempts at anything remotely close to a scare anywhere here. You have to wonder, was this movie made to look like this or did they lose a dare? They actually have the nerve to used shaky cam in this movie. I’m convinced it happened purely from the large amounts of meth the director was doing while still convinced this movie was a good idea. The cast is a who’s who of absolute nobodies, unless you count soft-core porn and walk on soap opera roles, both of which I deny exist.

Why you shouldn’t see this movie:

It causes irreversible damage to your medulla oblongata and is not in any way enriched or fortified with anything close to vitamins or minerals, nor is it a part of a complete breakfast, lunch, dinner, or afternoon delight.

Why you should see this movie:

Ummmmm… well, the song as the credits roll was kinda cool, but then the dicks cut it short and played some lame-ass chick rock crap. No, you shouldn’t see this at all.

On the Uwe Boll-omiter this movie gets an 8 (out of 10, 1 being good and 10 causing nothing but pain), it didn’t kill me, but it tried! I bleed from my tear ducts (so that’s how Fulci did it!) and I literally crapped in my pants. It had little to no entertainment value of any kind.

Six (well actually less) degrees to Uwe!

Katherine Hawkes (who was scary without trying) was in Portal. She wrote, directed and stared in Immortally Yours with Daniel Goddard.
Daniel Goddard was in Stan Lee’s Lightspeed with the immortal Lee Majors.

Lee Majors was in Fate with Michael Paré.

Michael Paré, was in pretty much everything Uwe Boll has made, but I’ll go with SEED! That movie ate ass cock!

Next Week, Ferguson travels to another town full of… fog (fog is scary) and bad CGI (that’s scary too) with Guardians! (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486592/)

If you happen to spot a movie that you haven’t seen and it looks just plain stupid. Perhaps you don’t quite dare to watch it, well just let me know and I will do my duty to check it out and report back just PM me on the Forums.

BRING THE PAIN!

Who Likes Some Old Time Radio?

As you know, we don't typically plug any website or organization in any kind of way that could be construed as an advertisement. We do have a link to Horror-Mall, but that's because the guys over there are completely independent and selling independent horror items highlighting the artists/authors/filmmakers who fuel the independent horror scene.




Well, here is another organization that I would put in that same category. Except they sell all kinds of Old Time Radio shows including an extensive collection of Horror-Mystery titles. Here's a little snippet that was sent over to me:

Old Time Radio Catalog (OTRCAT.com) is dedicated to the preservation of the golden era of radio (old time radio) and features some of the best in radio dramas and radio horror-mystery shows.

Radio is the ideal medium for horror and mystery entertainment. In the minds eye, old time radio horror and mystery shows can conjure the most frightening of scary sensations. With sound effects, good timing, and the power of suggestion horror and mystery in classic old time radio created some of the scariest and most memorable horror productions in history.

From the OTRCAT.com website, you can hear thousands of old time radio episodes online and can stream or download full episodes in Mp3 format. Listeners can sample and read about some hand-picked horror favorites in the Horror and Mystery on the Radio article.

Detailed descriptions of the performers and series broadcast in the era (1920's - 1959) are available to read. In the 'daily downloads', there are the broadcasts of the day throughout history (from the last 50-70+ years).

Up until the late 1990's, collecting Old Time Radio Shows was expensive and the shows themselves were rare. The original site began as a old time radio trading site to share my collection, further my personal collection of old time radio shows, and provide a place for other fans to research the history of the shows and performers (including many actors from the horror genre) including:

• Bela Lugosi, best known for his role as Dracula has many old time radio guest appearances.
• Vincent Price is a collection that includes his performances on The Saint.
• Orson Welles is an extensive collection showcasing his illustrious career in the horror genre.
• Peter Lorre collection is popular among horror and mystery old time radio fans.
• Boris Karloff Frankenstein's Monster, appeared in a multitude of spooky old time radio shows.

Since the 1990's, OTRCAT.com has encoded thousands old time radio shows into the MP3 format which have been made available on various websites, but for your dose of spooky radio shows, please visit the original OTRCAT.com and enjoy some classic horrific radio shows today!

Biggie Dubs: Exorcist : A First Look

Is The Exorcist greatest movie ever? Probably not, although you cannot doubt it has to be counted alongside the greatest movies ever made. So, is it the greatest horror movie ever? Another tough question, but one I feel that cannot honestly be answered yes. With increasing technology, and directing techniques, we may never able to nail down the definitive greatest horror film. Could it be the most important horror film ever, then? I'm going to take a gamble, and say yes, it is the most important horror film ever.


Now, it was certainly not the first ‘mainstream’ horror film, which perhaps goes to Night Of The Living Dead (again, questionable), yet it certainly gave many young people a reason to love horror films forever. Where would we be without this film? With a stunted genre, less fans, and probably more zombie films.


This film is flawless, it really is. This is the essence of all horror films, what all those that follow try to emulate, with varying results. Everything this film tries to do; it succeeds, even to this day in my eyes. While not being a religious person, I perhaps could not comprehend the full meaning of the horror. Yet the film was still able to give you that uneasy feeling in your gut, you know the one I'm talking about.


With many trips back in time through horror films, the effects are usually the major downfall, and sticking point for younger viewers. They believe that if it looks stupid, then it automatically is, and by the same logic, modern films are somehow better. Considering the fact that this movie was released in 1973 it is amazing to see how well this movie stands up. I prefer practical effects, simply for the reason that they will look good forever, if done right of course.


Despite the fact that this film has survived the 36 year gap with the majority of its former glory in tact, I doubt there would be many of the newcomers to horror who could appreciate today. This film is legendary; its one of the foundations of horror, but its status may precede itself to those who cannot take it seriously.

This film is around 2 hours for a start, and slow paced at times. Also, its horror, may simply be too tame for some. There is not a monster, of sorts, just an evil inside the amazing Linda Blair. Although there are 3 deaths in the film, we only see one, and may not be enough for those blood-thirsty youths of today.

It is horror in its literal sense; fear of the unknown. And whether or not the devil can still scare people in this less-religious time is to be seen.


This film is amazing, as long as you allow it to be. To get the most out of this film, set a couple of hours aside, preferable around midnight. It deserves it after all. If you watch it anywhere else, especially with other people, then you will definitely not get what you’re supposed to out of it.


This film is creepy, has ground breaking subliminal messages, and an amazing ending. If are new to the genre, or have not seen it for whatever reason, you owe it to yourself to watch it. This is the basis for every horror film you have seen. This is the ultimate horror film, and in my eyes, the most important. Just pray they never remake it.

Dexter - Watch it Now

So Mike introduced me to one of the best written television shows I have ever seen. Dexter on Showtime is a smart, darkly humorous drama that gets your attention from the very beginning.

If you don't know, Dexter is the adopted son of a Miami homocide cop. Dexter has grown up with "urges" that have been noticed by his loving father. The cop decides to help Dexter with the urges by teaching him how to get away with murder. They develop a code that in essence says that anyone who you know has gotten away with murder can be disposed of themselves.

I am not going to go in to the plot lines at all because there are some intricate weaves that take whole seasons to resolve. Jennifer Carpenter plays Dexters step-sister. Now I am not a Jennifer Carpenter fan, but she does a great job in this. There are 3 seasons so far with 12 episodes each at about an hour. This is a must see for cable drama lovers, and anyone who has a little dark side. I still can't figure out who I pull for. I give this a bonesaw, let me know what you think.