The Spammers Got To Me :(

I'm really sorry to have to do this, but I turned off the ability to sign up for the forums with a gmail account. Today I had over 100 spammers sign up with a gmail account. It is hard to sift through all of the accounts and know which are genuine sign-ups.

Sorry for the inconvenience. If Gmail is your only email address, let me know at mike@cadaverlab.com and I'll get you signed up!

Rejoice, for Doctor’s Rounds 06 is here!! Behold the mathematical truth behind the attacking zombie hordes! Succumb to a tale of jealousy and voodoo revenge! Gasp as an icon gives in to fashion! Or just read the words below and post thoughts on the forums… your choice really.

Surviving SURVIVAL in L4D: Doctor’s Rounds 05 reported how the release date of the highly anticipated SURVIVAL DLC Pack for L4D had been surreptitiously included in a random blog post, announcing both this and the release of other game packs that I frankly could give a crap about.

Well, I guess it’s a case of “rumour confirmed” after the good folks over at VALVE updated their own L4D blog this week. The blog entry offers a helpful and very technical insight into how the mechanics of the pack work and hints at the mayhem that will ensue:

“For example, a tank will be much harder to fight if a mob of common infected spawns at the same time - and nearly impossible if three hunters also show up right at that moment… Given the extreme pace of Survival Mode, the number of zombies killed in a single round often outnumbers an entire campaign… As ammo piles provide a unique infinite resupply for players, they tend to be in relatively less defensible positions in the Survival arenas.”

Unlimited waves of the undead, Tanks and multiple Hunters? Sounds like a good time! Hope you’ll be joining me online when the pack is released for PC and 360 on April 21st.

SAW VI Set Reports: There is an unwritten and silently accepted list of men who other men simply want to be. Y’know, like James Bond and Hugh Hefner. And - if I may - I’d like to add another name to this list: John Raybin. Who?! Why?! Because he’s the lucky S.O.B. who is currently residing on, and reporting from, the set of SAW VI as it’s shot in Toronto.

Lucky for us, he’s posting frequent tidbits of what he’s seen and done. Once my initial jealousy and sheer hatred of the man for having regularly shared dinner with the entire cast & crew had subsided, I returned the voodoo effigy to its box and extracted the following from his posts thus far:

“This has been a bloody week. A bloody week indeed... Director Kevin Greutert has firm control over the set – he’s comfortable, relaxed and in control... I love the sets. They are remarkable-looking. They are the best SAW sets I’ve ever seen... and the traps – wait until you see these amazing traps! This movie is a lot more violent than the previous [instalment]… Could be the best script yet!”

Raybin also reported that the ways that the writers and producers have reintroduced Amanda (Shawnee Smith) into the plot is nothing short of “ingenious”. We’ll have to wait until October whether these reports are accurate or hype. In the meantime, I’m in need of some long pins just sharp enough for stabbing dolls…

Sequel to Remake is not Remake of Sequel: Rob Zombie’s half-remake-half-original-sequel HALLOWEEN is one of those movies that polarized horror fans. Some thought it to be a travesty and others considered it a reboot suitable for a new generation. The biggest criticism aimed at the movie was the fact that the second half turned into a montage of 'greatest moments' from the original.

And so, despite the sequel beginning with Michael hunting his big sis through a hospital mere hours after the events of part one, Zombie is looking to avoid the same criticisms from fans of the franchise:

"This movie has nothing to do with the movie that came out back in 1981. The only thing slightly the same is my film has a brief hospital scene at the top of the film and even that is 100% different. These are all new characters and all new situations. This is not a remake of a sequel, this is the continuing story of the Halloween I started."

So keen is Zombie’s desire to mix things up, rumours are that the infamous William “The Shat” Shatner mask is actually not worn throughout a portion of the movie. This may explain the hoodie look seemingly adopted by Myers in segments of the 20 seconds of footage shown exclusively on Entertainment Tonight. Or he could just be sulking... Or perhaps shoplifting... In any case, it will definitely prove for an interesting watch!

Ferguson Takes One for the Team: Zombie: The Beginning

We have a submission! As the title of this article indicates, Ferguson is going to watch the worst of the worst... then report on it! Just want to say thanks to Fergie!

Zombi: La Creazione

AKA Zombie: the Beginning

Directed by Vincent Dawn… er, wait, what’s that, I mean the infamous Bruno Mattei! In fact this is his final film, this is his requiem that he graces us with posthumous. Why the alias? I haven’t a clue, maybe it’s the lack of soft-core sex scenes. This is the sequel to the equally amazing Island of the Living Dead, ya it said island, but what I saw was a Haunted House at the local theme park.

We begin our adventure with a backdrop of stock synthesized military themed music and the cliché southern helicopter pilot saying… “Roger, we spotted a shipwrecked person. We’re going to the rescue.”… And from there the dialogue continues to be natural and realistic.

You gotta give them credit for the fact that they actually procured a real helicopter for filming and didn’t attempt CGI.

Even though some of our esteemed actors are speaking English we get some amazing dubbing (in the Italian tradition), the effect of which is to cause your limbic system to explode with adulation!

Now, most reviewers will just simply say this is a complete rip-off of some obscure 80’s flick called Aliens, but that’s pure shit, this is all original baby!!

We jump directly into what is likely a true story of…

• A Dream (of a haunted house) within a Dream (of her being infected by a haunted

house)

• A confrence room full of suits cross examining our hero about her dead crew and the destruction of their ship called… wait for it… The Dark Star!
• 6 months later Paul Reiser, I mean Paul Barker comes to her from The Tyler Corporation and admits that they know her story is true because the team they sent in to check her story is now MISSING! She rejects the offer to go back to the planet, I mean haunted house, I mean island and he even gives her his card!!!!!

YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS UP!! PURE GOLD!!

• She goes home and dreams (of a haunted house) and goes to look in the mirror. We know where this is going. Quick! To the batcave!
• Marines… with tough chick wearing bandana, a smartass and yes we even get a cafeteria scene, sadly there are no robots involved. Not that I’ve seen that before, but I kept thinking robots would really take this to the next level, kinda like a cowbell.

Suddenly things change drastically and we get to watch some random shots from Crimson Tide! We are treated to scenes of submarines with great American actors such as Danny Nucci and Viggo Mortenson. (You think I’m making this up? You wish!) You may be incredulous and think that perhaps I speak of a movie that looks like similar. Oh, so naïve. No, in fact we are privileged to watch actual footage of Crimson Tide.

What follows for the remaining hour is some of the purest and unadulterated HORROR!

Moments where their guns fire with such tenacity that there is no muzzle flare. Where actors talk with such skill that you hear there words multiple seconds after they’ve spoken them.

There is an incredibly disturbing attack from a zombie midget with an eyeball growing from its head; all I can say is hide the children!

Zombie babies exploding from dead zombified mothers, or are they vampires, because, well they do have fangs, so I’m not sure it’s kind of a hybrid haunted house experience.

There was even this UBER INTENSE part where the marines go into the haunted house and the leader (with the main chick and some old Alzheimer’s guy that wandered onto the set and looks lost the whole damn time) stay back in the vehicle to monitor through cameras. While the zombies at the haunted house start jumping out and attacking them so the leader says “pull out!” but they don’t because there pinned down, and the chick starts yelling about “get them outta there” and so she goes and starts driving the VAN all crazy (by the way it’s a stick shift and she subscribes to the ‘if you can’t find ‘em, grind ‘em” school) to rescue the marines. Oh man, you just have to see it; I pissed in my bugle boys. It was awesome! A zombie even gets on the van and she throws it off and runs it over, Dude I am seriously still shaking just thinking about it! Undiluted Terror!

Let’s just say it goes on from there and trust me when I tell you that you won’t believe how far they take this thing. I can’t say it was a waste of time, I actually found myself laughing at their attempts at what can easily be called a remake.

So, Why you don’t need to see this movie…Well, to put it short, you already have.

Why you do need to see this movie… If watching Shakespeare done by hacks at a local park pavilion isn’t good enough for ya, then you need to see James Cameron done by the Salt Lake Community Theatre! Haazaa!!

This movie only gets a 4 (out of 10) on the Uwe Boll-omiter which only caused mild cramping and discoloration of stool.

It was pretty damn bad, but still entertaining.

Writers/Contributors Wanted!

Hey... YOU! That's right YOU! um... I know that you watch a load of horror flicks. I also know that you read horror literature and even enjoy the multiple forms of horror entertainment that is available. I also know that you have an opinion... You know what they say about opinions... They say that if you are able to put them into a thoughtful and insightful review or article that the Cadaver Lab would love to put them up on their site!

This is Mike... you know... the guy making all of the juvenile attempts at humor on the Cadaver Lab Podcast. I thought that I was going to have more time to spend adding content to the front page as well as creating other goodies like trivia for the site... Well, you know how busy I am writing apology letters to all of the groups of people that I offend during the podcast. Unfortunately, this has taken up much of my free time.

Therefore, if you have the desire to submit an article, review, or some other type of appropriate content to the Cadaver Lab, without promise of compensation, we want you!

Shoot an email over to mike@cadaverlab.com if you're interested!

Robert R. Best - Tamara Review

So, Tamara is into spells and such. That fact and her name remind me of Tara from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Maybe we should skip reviewing Tamara and instead sit quietly and think about what a good show Buffy was.

Ah. Nice.

Anyway, back to Tamara.

Tamara is into spells and is a bit of a social outcast at school. Some other kids decide to play a prank on her and, like all pranks in all horror movies for all time, the prank goes badly. So badly that Tamara is killed.

Hey, now that I think of it, Tara on Buffy was also killed.

What a good show Buffy was.

Oh, sorry.

So, Tamara is killed in a prank gone bad. But the magic she's been into causes her to come back from the dead. And it somehow makes her sexy, too. Because nothing says sexy like reanimated corpses bent on revenge.

Did I mention she's bent on revenge? Do I need to? You know how these movies work. What do you think she'd come back for, ice cream?

Mmmm, ice cream.

I guess my point is that it's easy to get distracted while thinking about this movie. It's just very typical, and not quite well made enough to rise above that. Bleh.

Episode 30: Asian Horror

WARNING!!! For some reason Mike and Sam were on one during the recording of this episode. It is apparent as we make it our mission to offend multiple people and groups as a whole... You have been warned!

This week we discuss three Asian films that have been recommended to us. These three films are Tokyo Gore Police (2008), The Machine Girl (2008), and Oldboy (2003). This episode we introduce a new segment for the Cadaver Lab. Sam takes the show to the streets to ask poignant questions to the unsuspecting public. As usual, we also go over some voicemails.

Download this Episode Directly

Music for this Episode:

• Music Box - Candyman Soundtrack
• Silent Hill - Silent Hill Soundtrack
• Helmet - Exactly what You Wanted
• Skeletonwitch - Sacrifice for the Slaughtergod

Tokyo Gore Police



The Machine Girl



Oldboy

Episode 29: Basket Case Trilogy

This episode we discuss the awesome Horror Hound Weekend! It was awesome to go hang out with my podcasting compatriots. We discuss what celebrities were in attendance and which one needed to be bitch-slapped for his constant attention whoring.

We also discuss three movies that will blow your mind. the Basket Case Trilogy! I must say that these are the best movies that involve conjoined twins that were separated and one lives in a basket.

As usual, we go over some voicemails. To leave a voicemail, call (206) 339-2730. If you would like to shoot us an email, send your thoughts to mike@cadaverlab.com or sam@cadaverlab.com. Make sure to visit http://www.cadaverlab.com!

Download This Episode Directly

Music for this episode:

• Sublime - Date Rape
  
• Strapping Young Lad - Love?
  
• Slipknot - People = Shit

We typically don't add any clips for the music, but Strapping Young Lad's video for "Love?" is extra Special:

Basket Case



Basket Case 2



Basket Case 3