Cadaver Lab News

Website Moving!

2009-07-25T21:56:00.001-07:00

In the next couple of days, the Cadaver Lab website will be changing homes. We've decided that we're going to go to a Wordpress installation. This will not only save us some cash, but it will save us a bunch of time.

So, the site will look similar, but there will be subtle differences. The main difference will be that all of the links will be found in the left column instead of across the top. There will be all the awesome wordpress features like post categories, search by date, and an overall search for the site.

Do not worry! We are not making any changes to the forums at all!

Ferguson Takes One for the Team: Flu Birds

2009-07-22T09:27:00.000-07:00

Ferguson Takes One For The Team Presents:

Flu Birds
(AKA: The Flu Bird Horror)

Alright, let’s be honest for a moment here, I really should have known better and stayed far away from this poopshoot of a movie, but I is dumbers and in hindsight this was a very bad idea.

A gonzo gang of some kooky birds, which I have ascertained to be roosters (or as there known in the ‘the business’, a flock of cocks) get mutated by some crazy wack-a-doodle ‘Flu’ and magically turn into pterodactyls! This apparently happened at some unknown time before the movie and unfortunately it is never really explained. Man, I could of used some back-story, because this complex schematic of a plot was just way to hard to digest on its own.

We begin with some backwoods yokels going hunting (the almighty movies tell me that’s all they do and I believe the movies) and well, they die, attacked by an over abundance of cheesy zooming crane shots and some Sega Genesis pterodactyl thingies.

Then we meet our really cool group of society’s outcasts played by some Jesus camp all-stars. For a bunch of hard ass young criminals, there is surprisingly very little swearing. I’m not sure, they look cool, rebel against the councilor, make fun of the fat kid so ya, I’m pretty sure they’re bible school prodigies. To bad this must be the edited version, I think they should have shown the whole campfire talent show the night before, even though as always (Jebus willing) everyone’s’ talent is just Jonas brothers lip syncs. And of course there’s the pretty girl and the not as pretty girl, so which one do you think curses us with her side boob? So, these hip ‘teens’ inevitably get attacked by our heroes of the movie, the Flu Cocks.

There are three variations of the Flu Cocks (proof of Darwinism?), first is the CGI Cock which looks like shit, and not the good kind of shit with corn. Second is the Man-in-a-suit Cock which looks amazingly like a, well, Man in a Flu Cock suit. Lastly is the Stunt Cock, which is a complex contraption of a bird head on a stick. The film makers keep it fresh so you never know which one you’re gonna get next.

Nothing ROCKS as hard as some 20 something’s acting like underage kids that are hard asses. Well maybe rap metal does, but I’m not sure. I would blame Fred Durst for that abomination, but according to everyone I know Elvis or the Beatles did everything first, so you tell me, Sebastian Haff or Ringo? Who gets the kick in the balls for inventing that crap? Okay, back to the movie; Usually it should be a prerequisite to actually have held a cigarette before you are in a movie acting like you can take a drag form one, and don’t get me started on them really inhaling. I guarantee they had to stop filming for a week because they got head and tummy achies from the resulting nicky buzz and the one guy that didn’t hold the cigarette was definitely close enough for a contact high. That’s just unfortunate, the truth campaign would not approve.

If you’re gonna be the badass longhaired leader of societies outcasts (or Jesus campers), then you should probably not be bitchscrawny like Randy Quaids lanky son in Independence Day. Our group of fearless douchebjorns is rounded out with a white rapper, the (token) black guy, the fat kid, the computer geek, the slut, and the hot misunderstood (not really a) bad girl, so this time Dawson goes to the creek and Katie Holmes’ Hubbard induced rock tit is all like, oh wait sorry I got mixed up there, anyway this is some really heavy atypical stuff.

Two separate stories are both attempting to cellmate rape your brain cells here, one is the unthinkably douchy troubled ‘teens’ being attacked by the pterodactyls, or sorry, I mean the flu enhanced flying cocks, and the other story is the scientists that are all getting super avian cock flu and being quarantined by some mall security guards. Neither of these stories goes anywhere and they are both equally annoying. Of course, in the end the two stories collide and the results are less than stellar, some built up gas is ignited with the intention of killing the flu cocks. It may or may not have worked; I guess we will never know because it is impossible to give a shit about this movie by its inevitably wretched final frame.

On the bright side, at 46 minutes in you get a guest appearance of the rainman as a security guard ranting “halt, we’ll shoot, turn back, definitely Wapner”. Okay, I admit I may have added that last part, but you try watching a movie that numbs your mind to the point that you actually begin to ponder if you could really smoke a cigar in your butthole. I think I would have to practice the uptake a little more. Don’t you worry; I’ve got the exhale down like a criminal. I say cigar for my anus, because I’m a real man and I could take it, besides cigarettes are for pussies.

After everything is said and done and the credits roll, all we’re left with is the wonderful feeling of being let down. This movie was just a bad idea from its inception (or insertion), kind of like inventing a robot that makes Amish people.

The Music was composed by Alan Howarth and I have to ask, what in the hell happened to this guy; he really lost whatever it was that he once had. And I think what he had was being friends with Carpenter. He was special, kinda like the keyboardist for the Buggles, but damn it, Alan sure as shit lost it. As for the Buggles guy, well let’s just say he ain’t doing too bad for himself, look it up, I dare you.

Why you should see this movie: if there are two things you just can’t get enough of, it’s Flu Cocks and Flu Cocks!

Why you should never see this movie: Geordi La Forge will kick your ever-living ass if you think watching this is a good idea! He kicked mine. And don’t just take my word for it…

This movie ranks in at a 7 out of 10 on the Uwe Bollomiter, it was really bad, in fact watching this movie was like going through puberty again, my voice cracked, my nads took on the appearance of chewbacca, I attended Hogwarts and got my wand stuck in a Longbottom, my nipples hurt, and I think I may have accidentally found out I was a dumpster baby.

6 degrees to Uwe!

Clare Carey was kind of almost hot in Flu Birds
Clare was also in Smokin’ Aces with The Immortally Radical Ray Liotta
Ray was probably the worst evil wizard ever in In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale by Uwe “the suckshack” Boll!

Next time Ferguson is manhandled by Dead Noon.

Sam Raimi rumored to be involved with WOW film?

2009-07-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

I realize that this is kind of strange timing... at least for me. I just got done with my 10 day free trial playing WOW (World of Warcraft for the uninitiated... and me a few months ago). This morning I found an article that says that after he finishes directing Spiderman 4, Raimi will direct a screen adaptation of WOW... Here is the article!

End of the World Part 2

2009-07-20T11:41:00.001-07:00

I just published the second article on Anthony E. Larson's trilogy about the end of the world. His second book goes in to more detail around the theory of Catastrophism, where you can see it in history and the bible, and what may happen to us humans when the end comes. There are explanations for the Ice Age, and the Chicago fire of 1871 that are very interesting. Check it out HERE.

NEW CONTEST!!!

2009-07-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

We here at the Cadaver Lab have such a treat for you! We've found a picture of this extraordinarily handsome man. Not only is this man very handsome, he is one of the greatest celebrities of all time. The only problem is that his talent and handsomeness have been wasted because he has only been in one movie.

We're going to do a contest involving this photo. If you can identify this man, you will get an awesome prize package from the Cadaver Lab!

We've created a thread in the forums to place your guesses!

The End of the World?

2009-07-13T18:57:00.000-07:00

The conversations are flowing around December 21st, 2012 - the end of the Mayan calendar. Doomsday lovers everywhere are gearing up for a party like none other, and we are still 2 1/2 years away! There's even a movie coming out made by the same awesome team that brought us "The Day after Tomorrow", about this date and what is going to happen.

I read some information about it and while there is some intrigue about this date, most experts think its like an odometer starting over. There are cycles and phases and all sorts of stuff, but still, there are some interesting things around this date. I read some books written by a local author about Catastrophism which is the belief that catastrophies have shaped some of the events described in the Bible and other ancient texts. I have written a review of this book here.

I'd be interested to see if we have any doomsdayers here. Let me know what you think is going to happen to end it all.

Doctor's Rounds 09

2009-07-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

Doctor's Rounds 09: Guess who's back... back again... something something... tell a friend. Presenting for your readership, an all-new edition of Doctor's Rounds! Fresh outta the box like a shiny special edition Blu-ray, a pair of sturdy leather shoes, or Jacko's carcass for a "second opinion" (too soon?). Let's get on with it ,shall we...?

NIGHTMARE over already: It seems like mere weeks since we learned who would be helming the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET redux for Platinum Dunes. It also doesn't seem that long ago that Jackie Earle Haley was announced as the FREDDY KRUEGER for a new generation. And yet, on Friday July 10th, producer Brad Fuller Twittered that filming had indeed wrapped and post-production was underway.

Now I've never made a movie in my life... well a horror movie anyway... but it doesn't take much to see that Fuller and co. must have shot that shit on the fly to be done already! If I was an optimist, I would say that this could mean that the script was tighter than a fish’s arse going into shooting (water tight) making things easy and efficient to get in the can. However, I'm a pessimist and have a feeling it's more likely that a huge percentage of work is still to be done as post-production... likely using those special effects machines that create video game dream-worlds and rubbish fake blood.

All we can hope for is that the storyline and screenplay don't conform to the Platinum Dunes trend of having more ugly kinks that Mega(n) Fox's thumbs. A promised peak at the goods (NIGHTMARE's not Megan's) during this year's Comic Con will no doubt shed more light on things.

BLADE prequel/spin-off trilogy: It's pretty much accepted that the only cool thing about the BLADE movies was... err... BLADE. Wesley Snipes brought us the most badass character since Snake Plissken. Everything in those movies merely existed to be smashed by him and all other characters simply turned up to have their balls soundly kicked up into their gut by the half-vampire with a shit-eating grin. So needless to say, this news baffles me...

Pint sized actor Stephen Dorff stated sometime last year that a prequel to the BLADE films was being planned and that the story arc would follow Deacon Frost's rise to power. For whatever reason the story re-emerged only for BLADE director Stephen Norrington to confirm that this is indeed that case, and that "the concept has evolved into a very interesting story".

Just one question from me: who gives a crap? I know Hollywood is suffering a bout of writer's block, but really? This is the best they have? Can't we have BLADE 4 already? With talent like Dorff (ALONE IN THE DARK, PROM NIGHT '08) and Norrington (LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN, upcoming and likely shite CROW remake) involved, this can only go one way... direct to DVD. Or am I being harsh?

UK set for another BLITZ: Lionsgate UK have announced that they are finalising negotiations with Jason 'The Stath' Statham to star in a horror-thriller, BLITZ. The film will see Statham hunt down a serial killer targeting cops (or police officers as us polite Brits refer to them). There's no news as to whether Statham's shirt will make an appearance so it's sensible to assume at least 70% of the running time will feature his abs also.

I have to admit to being a big fan of anything Statham shows up for. Part of my admiration is due to him being a reminder of the (almost lost) true action star who recognises his strengths and plays on them to great effect. Part of me loves the fact that the new Steven Seagal or Van Damme has turned out to be a cockney dive board pro. But mostly, it's because I fear him finding me and beating me to a mass of tender flesh-pulp before stealing my (suspiciously co-operative) wife if he hears of me not liking his films.

So long for now!

Cadaver Lab Episode 36: Hail to the Bruce

2009-07-12T11:53:00.000-07:00

You may be asking yourself why the hell it took the Cadaver Lab so damn long to dedicate a show to the man who they obviously are huge fans of? To that we say... Don't worry about it. Leave us alone! Just kidding.

We choose three gems for this episode. Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat, My Name is Bruce, and Bubba Ho-Tep.

We also dedicate the music to Dave from the Cheap and Dirty Podcast. All Black Metal!!! Man that guy's lust for metal is insatiable.

As usual, we go over listener voicemails and we've got a nice Tribute for you.

Download Episode Here!

Which Harry do you like?

2009-07-08T21:54:00.001-07:00

Steven Thompson over at JAFMP turned me on to a series called The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher. It's a series for adult readers who probably enjoy the Harry Potter series but are looking for something with a more explicit story line. I imagine this to be what Harry Potter would be doing as an adult.

Anyway, check out my article on the Examiner website Here

Facebook?

2009-07-08T11:16:00.000-07:00

Just signed up for Facebook! Not quite sure exactly how to use it, but make sure to shoot over a friends request! Unless I have already found you!

Name: Mike Cadaver Lab
URL: http://www.facebook.com/cadaverlab

Ferguson Takes one for the Team: Platoon of the Dead

2009-07-04T16:33:00.000-07:00

Ferguson Takes One For The Team Presents: Platoon of the Dead

Holy shit!
Written and directed by The John Bowker Experience.
J.R. Bookwalter gets an Exec. Producer Credit and well, I guess once you’ve seen the movie then that’s really no surprise. This flick is distributed by our righteous friends at Tempe Video.

Dude, where do I begin with this cock-knocking masterpiece…

Grown men run around the back woods of BFN Oregon with Star Wars toy blasters (no, really I should know, I bought one for my kid last year, same damn thing except my kids’ makes a cooler sound) and shoot CGI ‘Lasers’ at what may or may not be zombies, they are just people with white makeup on their faces, so maybe the world is just being overrun with pale goths. They probably got mad that Twilight ruined the Vampire so they rose up and conquered the human race. Before the deaths begins, I will be the first to announce that I am indeed a Goth sympathizer, please start this Robert Smith induced massacre elsewhere because I will infiltrate and turn over any resistance forces oh great depressed ones.

Back to the movie, three ballsy Marines (in nice new army fatigues) get ambushed in the woods and find a house with three chicks and then the lusty hot pale Oregon orgy begins! No, I jest, there is no whoopee here, only a longhaired metal head lieutenant and some kick ass zombie mayhem in a house with some Jesus mural door beads! When we are introduced to the first of the three ‘marines’, I think his name was private Vagina or something like that, well anyway Vagina tries to radio the other members of his platoon over what is actually an old turned off cell phone HELD UPSIDE DOWN, damn those budget cuts to our military. When will those meat weasels learn!? Oh, the humanity!

The Metal Head Lieutenant (played by one Chris Keown) is the shit, and I am dead serious about that, I loved this guy! Unfortunately this appears to be his only film credit to date, here’s to hoping that he keeps rocking the B-movie shaft madness. The last of the three Marines is some smartass southern sounding comic relief guy called Sergeant Shirtless Wonder or something like that. It’s the simple fact that all of his chauvinist comments are totally unfunny which actually makes them pretty damn laughable, it’s like watching a clubfoot try to skateboard… everybody wins!

As for our hot chicks, well one can’t talk, one’s just kinda there for no reason, and the other one’s actually a demon, so truth be told Private Vagina’s odds of getting laid are looking almost as good as boot camp. There is however, a cornucopia of freckles. It’s a fact that you have to put cheese on your burger, right? It makes it infinitely better, well same rules apply to freckles on cleavage! Perhaps that’s why I am so attracted to Carrot Top, I’ll have to read up in my copy of Sylvia Browne’s Animals on the Other Side about why that is, but rest assured that it most definitely is. Did you also happen to know that apparently demonic bitches go apeshit over their pot roasts? Well they do, so don’t try putting any of that chick’s deli platter in your mouth without asking first. Speaking of which, let’s now discuss the more important aspect of this or any other movie: The Nudity.

Nudity, ha! Dream on perverts, that’s just another thing they couldn’t afford, but in their defense, nobody wants to see any of these people naked… well, maybe just a little bit. Shirtless Wonder does spend a good deal of time near the end, well, shirtless and tied up courtesy of our demon bitch who now has some Playstation code scribbled on her face, something like up, up, circle, triangle, square, etc. I think it might be some unlockable secret to the Sims, but I’m not sure, again I will have to consult my copy of Sylvia Browne’s Tools for Life DVD on that one.

These zombies evaporate after being shot with a toy blaster ‘laser’ and dear lord, when cut, they actually bleed peanut butter. Take a lesson from Private Vagina and lieutenant Metal Head if you want to get laid, you bleed legume! Shirtless Wonder even takes the time to chop a zombie up in the tool shed and gets peanut butter spunk squirted all over his Burt Reynolds-esque chest. He’s all hairy and covered in peanut butter, you know like your mom. Bam!

I don’t know how this movie can be so bad and make me enjoy the hell out of it as much as I did. So, in the end Shirtless gets de-cocked, Metal Head goes out in a Bon Jovi-esque-perfect-mane-of-hair blaze of glory, and finally Vagina gets to ride in a sweet new mini van and wins the war by littering and throwing his toy blaster out onto the side of the road.

There is not a single line spoken throughout the entire film that is natural or even sounds like it isn’t read by a beauty pageant contestant, but that is exactly what this movies’ allure is all about. It’s bad; in fact it’s really bad. Full on Craptacular, but somehow that’s what’s so damn entertaining. I think a lot of it had to do with nostalgia for me. This movie harkened back to the lost art of funny-because-they-weren’t-trying-to-be B-movie making I grew up with as a kid. Hell, a movie like this used to pop up every Friday and Saturday night on cable and I watched every single one. The key to making these Z-grade movies work and likable is all in the actors, if they are likable people then it translates on the screen. If they are pure assholes trying to be cool and make a movie then ya, IT’S OBVIOUS and the movie sucks regardless of the writing. In the end I really liked this one, it ends up being really enjoyable like a good dream induced EMHO.

You get a little cameraman reflection in the window and some boom mic shadow, but surprisingly that’s about it. I was really hoping for more, but you do the best ya can with what little ya got, right Mike and Sam?

So then down to business…
Why you should see this movie: There is an abundance of kick ass midi oboe all over the sweet stereophonic audio mix, so crank those woofers you dirty hatchet wounds!

Why you shouldn’t see this movie: all that peanut butter might excite your dog… again.

References to Cock in this review: half a bakers dozen.

References to Snatch in this review: 8 (Mike and Sam only count as one. One lip each that is.)

This movie ranks in at a 3 out of 10 on the Uwe Boll-omiter: it made me retain water to the point that my cankles looked awful and I decided to not go to my high school reunion and dump pigs blood on that psychic bitch that smells like beef stew. I hate that whore.

6 degrees to UWE!

Ariauna Albright from Platoon of the Dead was in The Dead Hate The Living with Matthew “Tiny” McGrory.
Matthew was in The Devil’s Rejects with P.J. Soles, Bill Moseley and Danny Trejo
P.J., Bill, & Danny were all in Alone in the Dark II with Zack Ward
Zack was in Postal directed by Uwe “ach mein gott what a package” Boll!

Next time: Ferguson gets his avian freak on with Flu Birds!

SLC Horror: Bringing Some Horror Cred to the SLC

2009-06-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

I realize that most of you guys aren't from Utah and when asked about Salt Lake City, your typical response is "Isn't that the place where dudes have tons of wives?" Do me a favor and humor me with this entry... will you?

Well, regardless of any preconceived notions that you may have, we here in SLC, are proud to say that we have a budding horror community. First, there's an excellent horror podcast based from there (maybe you've heard of it), now we're proud to announce a horror film festival. No... I'm not talking about the BIG one. Though there are a few horror films that make their way into Sundance every year. To my knowledge there has never been a film festival completely dedicated to horror in Utah.

That is... until now. I had a chance to catch up with the creator of the Salty Horror Film Festival. I had the chance to ask him a couple of questions. Check out the interview here!

Episode 36 Preview

2009-06-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

We're going to be taking a break from the slasher retrospectives next episode and do an episode that is a long time coming. Yeah, we've talked about films with Bruce Campbell in them, but we have never done an episode dedicated solely to Bruce.

We're going to be discussing My Name is Bruce, Bubba Ho-Tep, and Sundown: A Vampire in Retreat. I'm thinking that for this episode Sam won't have to work too hard on his Six Degrees.

Call of Cthulhu 2005: The horrors of Lovecraft presented in black and white

2009-06-28T21:02:00.001-07:00

I recently watched a film called Call of Cthulhu. It was created in 2005 and was filmed in the style of a 1920's silent film. Now, that may seem to be a bit weird, but this turned to be an awesome adaptation of one of the most famous stories by H.P. Lovecraft.

I could have written a review here, but I figured, why not get paid for it? So I published it over at Examiner.com. Do me a favor and check it out!

Cadaver Lab Episode 35: A Nightmare On Elm Street Retrospective Part 2

2009-06-28T14:45:00.001-07:00

We're back discussing the next three films in the A Nightmare On Elm Street Series. The series takes a turn for the cheesy... but is this a bad thing? We discuss.

We have plenty of your voicemails to go through (which we appreciate very much!). We also take a break from the metal to bring you the theme of "Seattle in the 90's" for our musical choices.

Download here

Douchecast 5K Part 2!

2009-06-24T14:47:00.000-07:00

Lo and behold, the Douchecast 5K Part 2 is out and causing trouble already! Make sure to download your copy HERE.

Listener be warned. The show is hilarious.

Vote for Cadaver Lab on Podcast Alley!

2009-06-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

The month is quickly coming to an end. I've been told that in our episodes I've neglected to mention our voicemail number or Podcast Alley!

So, if you would be so kind as to vote for us on Podcast Alley HERE, that would be great!

Also, get your voicemails in at 206-339-2730!

SLC Horror: You Like Free Horror Entertainment?

2009-06-17T20:41:00.000-07:00

Just published another article at Examiner.com. This article is another entry into the series of articles that I'm doing on free horror entertainment. This article discusses podcast audiobooks or podiobooks. Tells where you can find them and lists some of my faves.

Check it out!

Ferguson Takes One For The Team: Lesbian Vampire Killers

2009-06-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

Ferguson Takes One For The Team Presents:

A Real Review?

Lesbian Vampire Killers

Well all be damned, color me surprised…

You see I was 100% ready to be wowed with stupidity and utterly unfunny (mad tv) jokes, but somehow this movie defied the odds and entertained me. This means there’s less for me to make fun of, but this works for you because you might actually want to see this one… and not because it’s complete shit.

So, how to begin…

I’ll be honest; the trailer was pretty damn lame. The jokes fell flat and the scenes they showed were pretty weak. Oddly enough, the clips from the preview were actually NOT a good representation of the movie as a whole. The jokes in the movie are well delivered and pretty funny, and while you can get a good sense of the story from the preview, they do throw in a lot of extra goofball stuff that really sells the whole thing. Plus there’s this whole hot foreign chick thing. You’ll for sure recognize MyAnna Buring from The Descent and Doomsday, but the rest of the cast aren’t too familiar (at least here in America that is); luckily they all do a good job. And most importantly, the chicks are hot. There is some really bad CGI to be found here, but it’s all done for laughs, so it actually works out and doesn’t anger you like a, oh I don’t know… a Will Smith movie.

We begin with a prologue that looks just like Dungeons and Dragons The Wrath of the Dragon God (ha ha, ya, I saw it, jealous?), but the humor steps in with the introduction of our two great heroes. Enter Jimmy and Fletch, name a character Fletch and good things should follow, right? Jimmy is unlucky with women and he gets dumped yet again. Fletch is the fat bumbling moron with a filthy mouth and somehow the two of them are chums. They decide to go hiking and we are off to an exceptional set-up. The creepy locals send them to stay the night at a cabin with four hot chicks. And a few boners later the vampire onslaught ensues. Throw in a Vigilant Vicar trying to stop the town’s ancient vampire curse before his daughter turns eighteen and will inevitably become a lesbian vampire, (you know how those crazy town curses can be) and you have a movie! Tried and true formula, I know, but why not? It ain’t broke. Of course people are gonna say that it is just trying to be another Shaun of the dead. And don’t get me wrong, it does feel a lot like that at first, but I will stop short of saying it’s a rip-off. It goes in a very different and more Evil Dead wannabe direction.

The main vamp queen has special mind powers and shoots Aqua-man like mind waves to throw things around, much like Dark City. However, in this movie it works, in Dark City it was the single most stupid thing I had ever witnessed and found myself actually saying aloud “what the hell?” in a theater half full of people. Wait, no I take that back, the Dark City mind waves were the worst until I saw the actual squid/ball sack aliens at the end. God, that was just pure dumbass short-bus moviemaking. There is also a TON of that speed-up/slow-down camera work from 300 all over the place in this movie. The director must have just figured out how to do that and thought if it looked cool 10 times, why not 100 times? Dope!

So as much as it owes to Zack Snyder, Edgar Wright, and Sam Raimi it actually all kinda succeeds. I found the humor to be funny, nothing was amazingly groundbreaking, but it works. The jokes are crude and all sexual in nature (another plus), but really are you expecting something mature and educational from the title? How many movies feature an action sequence as intense as watching a guy keep a vampire from attacking him by holding her back by her bare tits? Gnarly!

I would have thought that Lesbian Vampires in the woods would have frolicked in less clothing, but I guess I’m just old fashioned. I must have blinked and missed the country folk having sex with sheep, because I’m sure it’s there, but I guess I missed it. I mean come on, all the women in the town are lesbian vampires and I would think they would get some magical bareback man-on-man action, but with teeth like that, even cuzin Cletus ain’t tappin it. So, naturally they’d be helping some four-legged friends over the fence, but somehow I didn’t see it in the movie. Guess I’ll just wait for the directors cut, and you can bet I will be waiting.

The music for the movie starts as your standard Sleepy Hollow knock off, but it’s pretty competent and it doesn’t just exploit that one theme, in fact it adds some pretty good orchestrations, a can-can and definite Brian Tyler inspired action/hero themes (just think Children of Dune). The score owes much to Danny Elfman and Brian Tyler, but come on, in reality that’s actually a complement and that is how you get more jobs.

The movie never seems to take itself too serious. They knew exactly what kind of flick they were making from the beginning, a classic? Probably not, but well worth a watch, for sure. While it’s low on gore, there are some really funny kills and some pretty good lines. Surprisingly way less nudity than you would expect from a title like this, but then again Misty Mundae is nowhere to be found so that’s a plus. Sorry Misty, no offense, but Spiderbabe was the last good thing you did.

Hence:
Why you need to see this movie: it’s pretty damn funny, immature and quotable, and it features a mythic ‘cock-sword’, which is the only way to kill the vampire queen. Cheers!

Why you need to avoid this movie: well, the ‘rock’ songs featured in the movie and during the credits are just awful! Ya, that’s all I really didn’t like.

On the Uwe Boll-omiter this movie only barely registered with a 1 out of 10. It was funny and entertaining and did I mention the girls were hot. My neck ached a little bit, but nothing an aspirin didn’t fix.

6 Degrees to Uwe!

MyAnna Buring from Lesbian Vampire Killers was in Doomsday with Rhona (Lambert) Mitra

Rhona was naked and that’s about it in Hollow Man with Elisabeth Shue

Elisabeth was in Back to the Future part II with Billy Zane

Billy was in Bloodrayne by Uwe MFing Boll! Damn that felt good!

Sleep well you Princes of Douche…

TECHNICAL ISSUES with Episode 34

2009-06-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

I just found out that there are a couple of spots in episode 34 where we had some silent spots. It sounds as if some voicemails weren't added. Well, I had some real technical issues while editing and had to recover some of my audacity files then combine them with the man copy. I thought that I got everything together... but apparently I was wrong!

Anyhow, I'm going to fix the spots then re-upload the file. I really apologize to everyone who got the bad version... Sorry!!!

EDIT: I found the issues and think I have it all fixed. I'm currently exporting the fixed file. It should back, with fixed audio, this evening!

EDIT: The episode has been fixed (hopefully) re-uploaded and should available very soon.

EDIT: The episode is available now on iTunes!

Thanks Again for the heads-up!

Follow-up Friday the 13th Examiner Article

2009-06-13T20:49:00.000-07:00

Having watched Friday the 13th parts 1-3 as well as the 2009 remake in preparation for episode 34, I've been thinking a lot about the series. In the podcast, we didn't spend a lot of time breaking down and reviewing the remake, so I thought I'd write a companion piece to the episode on my page at Examiner.com.

Check it out!

Cadaver Lab Episode 34: Friday the 13th Retrospective Part 1

2009-06-12T21:38:00.000-07:00

Sam and Mike discuss the first three installments of one of the most successful franchises in horror history. Whoever it was that originally came up with the formula of blood, scares, and boobs should be given an honorary Bonesaw, because he (I assume it was a man) has given us hours upon hours of awesome entertainment!

As usual, we get some awesome voicemails and discuss them. We've got a tribute that is funny now, but Sam will have some explaining to do next episode!

We also feature the music of Mr. Bungle and Johnny Sanders. Check out Johnny's Site here.

Download Episode Here!

Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th Part 2

Friday the 13th Part 3: 3D

Remember that episode that we did a while back?

2009-06-11T19:03:00.001-07:00

Remember that episode that we did a while back about horror in the public domain? Well, I thought that it would be a good topic for an article on Examiner.com.

There is so much awesome free stuff that we as horror fans are lucky to have readily available. I'm going to keep on that subject with a series articles on free horror entertainment.

Do me a favor and check it out!

Ever Wanted the Cadaver Lab on Your Chest?

2009-06-09T19:32:00.000-07:00

In an awesome show of kindness, Steve Wands took the time and put his talents to work to create the logo for the new Cadaver Lab T-Shirts! Steve is an uber-talented artist and all-around awesome dude!

His blog is laden with all sorts of horror topics including reviews and commentary. Every once in a while, we are treated to some of his artwork.

Just wanted to throw out a huge thanks to Steve! If you're interested in checking out his work and/or picking up a tshirt, go to our Cafe Press store.

What The Hell is a "Salt Lake Horror Film Examiner"?

2009-06-07T19:52:00.000-07:00

I was reading an article about why the horror genre is dying on a news site called Examiner.com. I got a little steamed at this guy's opinion... but as I read, I noticed that this site had writers that specialize in horror films.

I did a little bit of clicking around and saw that they were on the lookout for writers. So, I sent in an application and told them what an avid horror fan I am... and believe it or not, they've got me writing articles focused on horror films!

I know, I know... I'm a big dork. However, I figured that since they offer compensation for writing that if I made any cash, I could use it to support the Cadaver Lab by helping pay some hosting fees etc.

Anyhow, if you get the chance, head over to my page on Examiner.com to check it out!

Ferguson Takes One For The Team Presents: The Devil's Ground

2009-06-02T19:49:00.001-07:00

The Devil’s Ground
(AKA The Cycle)

Daryl Hannah!

Praise be the sweet and precious David Lee Roth years of Daryl Hannah, she began by providing us with an abundance of mermaid side boob, she taught us caveman Kama sutra, she was even a friggin roboslut!

She slipped into the shadows for a while and returned with a roar in her more adult and rockin Hagar Years as the one-eyed super killer!

Sadly we now have Daryl Hannah’s Gary Cherone years. Oh, the bitter taste of Halen III.
So bad indeed.
Hey look, a bird!

The cover promised me so much with a picture of some face that looked like an uncorrected Meg Ryan pic, or perhaps Daryl Hannah after a date with Chris Brown. Ya, it coulda went either way on that one. However (and here’s the spoiler warning) Daryl looks nothing like that in the actual movie, in fact she looks completely normal.

Let’s get a few things out of the way first off, this IS NOT a slasher flick (as it is often described as such) by any stretch of the imagination. The killer(s) (oops did I ruin something for you?) carry and use a shotgun to kill with. Well, I don’t know, maybe I should fact check some more. Is a shotgun considered a knife in Canada? It’s really just a bad attempt at putting a spin on the overly done backwoods killers hunt down and kill the twenty somethings. And the ‘spin’ part is NOT any sort of improvement, it’s more like crooked teeth on a fat chick, it ain’t a deal breaker, but hell, it ain’t doing her any favors either.

Alright, so here’s the rundown and yes if you don’t want to know the ending then don’t read cuz I’m gonna reveal all the juicy Canadian secrets! I feel so naughty, spank me Avril! Daryl Hannah is driving on back roads and picks up a girl with a few smears of blood on her cheeks and the rest of the story unfolds as this girl, Amy Singer (played by Leah Gibson) recounts her wacky adventures in the woods. Oddly the annoying girl tells the story much like a badly written teen fantasy novel (I’m looking directly at you, Stephanie Meager).

So, her story goes as such: A small group of ‘environmentalists’ with nice new sweat shop cloths and huge diamond earrings travel out into the woods of pseudo-Pennsylvania while listening to some crappy Skynyrd rip-off band. So, why are they there? Oh, who cares, what you need to know is how hard they try to make it look like the Texas Chainsaw remake. Then they start getting killed off one by one, but most of the time they try really damn hard not sound incredibly Canadian. A little advice if I may, it’s ‘About’, not ‘A Boot’, just in case you guys were wondering. Magically they are also Anthropologists/Archaeologists, you see as they find human remains, they dig up the entire site, logging and categorizing everything. Wow, Canadians can do anything! Bird! Keep in mind NONE of these guys own a cell phone. Really? Not even one? Did some Amish kid write this? I guess it is Pennsylvania right?

Quickly a crazed Canadian backwoods version of Mushmouth appears and drives an RV into one of the blonde girls, you know the one that’s not as hot as the other one. Death by RV sounds pretty damn cool, but it’s not. It was really stupid and I feel a little bit dumber for having witnessed it. This killer is played by a guy named Twan Holliday. I gotta give credit where it’s due and Twan was pretty badass, how in the hell he and Rob Zombie haven’t made a movie together yet is beyond me. Too bad this movie wasn’t just Twan and Daryl, now that has got some potential!

There’s another killer, it’s the OTHER backwoods guy. Well, let’s see there are two guys out in rural not-quite-Pennsylvania and they are brothers, so they must both be crazy killers, right? About forty minutes of pointless Saving Private Ryan quick shutter running later and we are down to one last girl. Oh, look a bird. Some uninspired deaths and SHOT AFTER SHOT OF BIRDS! Half the footage for this film was apparently taken from the local bird watching society. To be honest even if you have a crippling fear of birds, this movie won’t even make you flinch. But it may turn the weaker of you on with massive amounts of full frontal bird nudity. These ain’t your shaved American birds, nor are they California landing strips, we’re talking French-Canadian all natural Celine Dion Shaggy Meat Wallets. Yee-Haw!

In the end we find that the girl telling this pathetic story is in fact NOT a girl but rather some ghost that accidentally wandered off of Ghost Whisperers set and decided to pay Daryl Hannah a visit. When I die you can bet the first place I’ll be going is straight to Daryl Hannah’s Volvo! Or maybe Uwe Boll’s medicine cabinet. Do you think he has sensitive teeth? Does he whiten them? Athletes foot perhaps? Oh god I wish I knew! Anyway, ya, the chick was dead all along and wanted Daryl to know hear her lame-ass story and finish her communist works, but in the end Daryl dies too. And we are all left feeling like we just watched an episode of Goosebumps. Even the meaty colossal hairy moles on R.L. Stines face wrote scarier stuff than this! This movie relies more on scaring you with things like bad continuity, thin dialogue and weepy angst ridden brow furrowing than anything really scary, like maple leaves! You will not be able to handle the kinds of Canadian horror these kids are dishing out so don’t even attempt it. Stick with truly scary things like swamps and Kate Hudson. Hey look a bird!

The main chick is key to the success of these things and this one did everything she could to make me want her dead! It’s actually really satisfying when you find out she’s really been dead this whole time, because if she had survived I’d be pissed. Well, more pissed than I already am because there weren’t enough birds in this movie! But the true winner of this whole thing is of course our own Daryl Hannah who walks away with the easy paycheck. Well done D.H., you are a true guiding light in our otherwise pallid world.

That wasn’t too painful right? Well then, as it stands this movie ranks a 7 out of 10 on the Uwe Boll-omiter, which caused stabbing pain in my left ear canal and dry mouth. There may have been some kind of aching involved, but I’m not sure I was too busy watching some tubular bird footage!

Why you shouldn’t see this movie: That main chick is annoying as hell, the faces she makes are just ridiculous!

Why you should see this movie: That main chick is funny as hell, the faces she makes are just hilarious!

6 degrees to Uwe! And yes, I will take the easiest one.

Daryl Hannah from The Devil’s Ground was in Kill Bill 1 & 2 with Michael Madsen.
Mike Madsen was in Bloodrayne by Uwe MFing Boll!

Rob Best Shares a PSA

2009-06-02T19:18:00.001-07:00

We here at the Cadaver Lab just received the following important notice. Please read and follow the directions herein:

NOTICE:

We are receiving reports from all over the country that people are looking in the podcast. Authorities are giving strict orders not to do so. Looking in the podcast has been proven to cause confusion, twitches and eventually madness.

Don't Look In The Podcast is a genre movie-review podcast focusing on horror, sci-fi, fantasy, exploitation, action, cult, cheese, and whatever happens to float through the host's consciousness. Featuring Robert R Best, Laura Best, Brad Zipprich
and Zombie Farmer, Don't Look In The Podcast guarantees to make noises
at you for at least half an hour or so. Or less. Who knows.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Drag Me Down to Hell PLEASE!!

2009-06-02T17:44:00.000-07:00

Mike and I checked out Drag Me to Hell today and I have to admit, I went in a little worried about the PG-13 rating. I haven't seen a quality PG-13 movie since The Grudge in 2004, that movie was great. But since then, I have seen too many blue children with stringy black hair covering their face making weird noises and turning up in closets and under beds to be scary any more.

I was listening to The Midnight podcast episode 134 where Cory quoted Rob Zombie as saying there is nothing original in the works out there. Studios are looking for remakes, or comic book adaptations to sell tickets. While I agree that some of these movies have worked and brought millions to the box office, great stories are waning and we are not being treated to original stories that are well written and executed. Some of our favorites were truly lightning caught in a bottle where everything worked out just right to produce awesome hits like Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Evil Dead, Rosemary's Baby, and others. So my trepidation was warranted as I settled in with fingers crossed that one of my favorite directors was not going to disappoint.

Enter Alison Lohman and Justin Long and a crazy ass old lady that has a problem with keeping things in her body. It sets up with Christine Brown played by Alison Lohman working as a loan officer in a bank and looking for a promotion. An old lady comes in to discuss her foreclosure and Christine is presented with a decision from her boss to extend another line of credit to the woman or put the clamps on and cut the banks losses. She chooses the latter and brings the eyre of the old woman upon her. The old woman curses Christine with an old gypsie curse that brings on the Lamia, a goat man demon who drags souls to hell. Christine has 3 days to figure out how to appease the demon or she will be the Lamia's next victim.

The story has great throwbacks to some of Raimi's earlier works including Evil Dead, and has some of the cheeky dialogue and proclamations that just make me laugh. I really enjoyed this movie and highly recommend it to anyone looking for an entertaining ride through some good old fashion horror. It is not overly violent and there isn't much blood except for the kitty.

Props to Raimi for bringing us something original when we are inundated at every turn with a remake or reboot of something that worked decades ago. I hope everyone goes to see this to send a message that we want new stuff.

I give this a bonesaw with a giant smile on my face, and look forward to lots of extras to chew on in the DVD release.

Cadaver Lab Episode 33: A Nightmare On Elm Street Retrospective Part 1

2009-05-31T21:21:00.001-07:00

This episode we start our look back at the A Nightmare On Elm Street series. We discuss ANOES, ANOES part 2: Freddy's Revenge, and ANOES part 3: Dream Warriors. Being one of the series that we both loved as kids, it was like taking a trip down memory lane but do these movies stand up today?

Music for this episode:

Mastodon - The Wolf is Loose
Slayer - Dead Skin Mask
Dokken - Dream Warriors
Hidden Track (Meaning, we stuck it at the end of the show): Rush - Roll the Bones

Download The Show Here

A Nightmare On Elm Street

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

Technical Updates!!!

2009-05-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

In an effort to improve the Cadaver Lab Website and the forums, we have changed where our forums are being hosted. This is the first step in many that we will be doing over the next few months to improve the overall quality of our web presence.

We had a couple of hiccups in doing this migration:

1. For some reason, I wasn't able to transfer all of the avatar's to the new server. Here's how to replace your avatar:

Login to the forums
Click the "User Control Panel" link located right below the Cadaver Lab Logo at the top.
You will land on the the Control Panel page. On the left side of the page, you will see a set of links.
Click the "Profile" link
Click the "Edit Avatar" link
You will see an area to upload a new avatar!

I really apologize to those who have to re-upload their avatar. If you need help, contact me.

2. Unfortunately, you may notice that a few of the posts that were made tonight (5/29/2009) have disappeared. That's because we took a snapshot of the database earlier this evening and used that snapshot for the new forum setup.

If you experience any issues, please let us know. Shoot me an email at mike@cadaverlab.com!

The Douches Have Moved!

2009-05-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

Oh No! Something is definitely wrong when the members of the Douchebag Podcasting Network are getting their crap together. We have a new home-base located at http://www.douchecast5k.com/.

Make sure to visit there frequently for updates about upcoming Douche Casts and contests. Also, make sure to comment about the fact that Brutal Massacre wasn't THAT bad.

Rob Best Reviews Don't Look Now

2009-05-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

Creepy and depressing 1970's classic. Donald Sutherland and his wife have lost their young daughter to drowning. They go to Venice so Donald Sutherland can work on restoring the art in an old church. He keeps seeing a small figure in a red hood, just like his daughter used to wear. He becomes obsessed with catching this figure and with the idea that his daughter may somehow still be alive.

It's hard to discuss this movie, since it's about atmosphere and a twist ending. The atmosphere builds slowly but effectively, and by the end you're devastated and will probably need to go outside to get some fresh air.

So that's all I'm really going to say. It's not a fun movie, not at all. But it's a great movie. Especially if you're a fan of atmospheric 70's horror. Highly recommended.

Ferguson Takes One For The Team: The Tribe: The Forgotten Brood

2009-05-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

The Tribe: The Forgotten Brood
(AKA The Forgotten Ones)

A New Dimension in Terror
(Which was also the Tagline for Friday the 13th part 3 in 3D and Intruder (AKA Night Crew) from 1989.)

And away we go! This movie was filmed in 2006 and promptly was suppressed by the coolness police for massive amounts of contraband awesomeness… until now! Actually right after it was shot the filmmakers decided it wasn’t up to their elite and obviously amazing standards of entertainment, so they made the choice to hide this thing and actually begin to remake the film with a new director and cast. As far as I can tell it hasn’t received a Region 1 release as of yet, however thanks to a kind and loving god it is available on a fancy Region 2 disc. Finally my Region free player has payed off!!!!
REMAKE!

Co-written by the elusive non-entity known only as Wallace Balboa! Seriously, I gotta know who this cinematic genius is.

But wait there’s more!

This movie is called The Forgotten Ones or The Tribe: a story of a group of twenty-somethings that get shipwrecked on an island (and the hills of California) and are attacked by some kind of ancient unknown creatures. Starring Jewel Staite.

This spawned the remake:

The Lost Tribe: a remake of a story of a group of twenty-somethings that get shipwrecked on an island and are attacked by some kind of ancient unknown creatures. Starring Brianna Brown (Timber Falls and NOTLD 3D, yea she’s pretty, and Lance Henriksen)

http://www.rebelfilm.com/film/Rebel_Film/PROMO_TEASER_The_Lost_Tribe.html

(If you were wise enough to ask me, I would say the creatures look the same, but it appears they’ve stolen even more from The Descent. And they keep saying this will go theatrical!)

Which is being confused all over the internet with an Australian movie previously called The Lost Tribe and now renamed:

Primal: a story of a group of twenty-somethings that get shipwrecked on an island and become magically ‘infected’ and turn into ancient violent creatures that attack those that are not ‘infected’. Starring Zoe Tuckwell-Smith and some other Australian people you’ve never heard of, but scored by Bennett Salvay (Jeepers Creepers).

http://primalthemovie.com

(Did you guys see that movie about vampires in Alaska? That was way cool mate.)

To my utter disbelief, asylum pictures is NOT involved with any of these.

The German cover claims this is a movie in the tradition of The Descent and Predator, which we all know translates into English to mean these are just two of the fine movies they totally ripped off. In their defense, at least it didn’t read: In the tradition of The Cave and Xtro 3.

REMAKE!

And we begin in the most terrifying of places… the past! A group of dorks are all killed off by what are obviously the creatures that some current-day dorks will be killed by. Don’t be fooled, these creatures are smart; they can climb trees and stuff. You know you don’t mess with things that climb trees and stuff, that plus the fact they sound just like the Predator. Just don’t mess with that! Well, unless Dutch is around. Oh, wait is Dutch there? Nope? Didn’t think so. Then we are all screwed. Fix it next time around in the remake!

Next we jump to what appears to the untrained eye as a lost episode of Beverly Hills 90210 already in progress, and yes we do get a the highly anticipated boating/dancing/fat guy-in-thong montage to contemporary hip hop. Nicely done Wall-Ass Balboa. We are next introduced to our group of victims, the stuck-up rich girl, the jock, the cool guy, the annoying fat guy and the innocent main final girl played by Jewel Staite from Firefly/Serenity fame. But wait! You even get what is the most unconvincing shipwreck ever put on screen. God, even Pee-Wee’s nemesis Francis staged a better shipwreck during his bath time. That guy had some crunk boobies. There’s no need for me to relay to you the rest of the story, you could guess it and you would be completely right. The only relatively stand out thing here is the third act where our main lady Jewel grows a pair of brass ones and fights back. There’s even some great ninja wirework as Jewel gets her ass handed to her.

Boil it down and essentially this movie is the other side of Harry and the Hendersons. You see, Harry moved in with Lithgow and the Hendersons, but here we have his inbred hillbilly relatives with dreads and receding hairlines. You get to see where Harry came from and how he was limited until he left his job as a janitor at the local university (thanks Sean Maguire!) to see the world in suburbia. My biggest problem would have to be that these unclothed hillbilly ‘monsters’ had no primal junk! All eunuchs! I looked, I paused, I even zoomed in on that shit and they got nothing! Come on, I guarantee a super hairy primal beast man would have some massive tick-ridden vinegar-scented balls. I will refrain from spoiling the reveal about how wussy these things really are, but never fear it is dumb.

Yes, Wall-ass Ballgawker, this movie was not lackluster enough for my taste, I agree in spades.

I DEMAND A REMAKE!

But not all is as it appears here. Surprisingly this movie is actually not that bad. I would say it was about on level with a Sci Fi original picture, while dumb and uneven, it was kind of entertaining. They even take full advantage of all the latest technologies available; the sound of the ocean waves begins on the left side and actually moves to the right side! Dude, even Predator didn’t try that! Boo-Yah!

Okay, so now the real kick in the bits, you see when a filmmaker decides to remake their own film, for whatever reason, it would make perfect sense to retain the elements that worked in the original and then go from there. Jewel Staite was pretty good, is she in the update? NO! The director was all right, is he back? NEGATIVO!

However, the Creature effects were hopelessly shameful and the script was caca. So, are the individuals responsible for those turds returning for the remake? YES, YES THEY ARE. Why do I have the feeling that I will be back here reviewing the remake? Because I’m psychic, just like the douche himself, John Edwards.

Do they really think that their idea was so original and great that they just can’t bare to move on to another project? Really? I don’t get it. So if the remake bombs then will Wall-ass decide to make the same damn movie for a third time? Maybe in the remake we can find out at the end that the kids all died in the wreck and the island is really limbo and the creatures are like sack-less demon thingies!

This is a very ‘been, there done that’ kind of movie. Nothing here feels original at all and it ends with the main chick getting off the island. Tah-daa!

I will now be channeling that which is Wall-ass Ballgozer the Gatekeeper with my cock-less oujii board.

If you’ve got some kind of mad crush on Jewel Staite then please go on and see this flick, otherwise just watch Olivia Munn in Insanitarium.

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN, AND THEY DEMAND A REMAKE!

I’m going with a safe 5 out of 10 on the Uwe Boll-Omiter. It gave me Roid rage. Nothing to do with steroids, but it made my other Roids attack my Gooch Monkey with a ferocity that was unparalleled by all but the ancient ones.

Why you NEED to see this movie: at exactly 27:24 Jewel Staite takes a piss and you get to hear her shit farts. I am dead serious about this actually being in the movie. TERROR UNFEIGNED!!

Why you don’t need to see this movie: Casper Van Dien isn’t in it, but he is in Skeleton Man, Dracula 3000 and Slayer.

6 degrees to Uwe:

Kellan Lutz from the Tribe was also in Twilight with Jackson Rathbone

Jackson was in S. Darko with Matthew Davis

Matthew Davis was in Bloodrayne directed by Uwe MFing Boll!

And all four of those movies blew goat.

Next Time: Ferguson asks ‘What the hell happened to Daryl Hannah’s face!?’ with The Devil’s Ground (AKA The Cycle)

2009-05-21T13:46:00.000-07:00

Doctor’s Rounds 08: For part eight, Jason Voorhees took Manhattan. I, on the other hand, took my sweet time!

INGLORIOUS Reviews for QT’s Latest: There are only a few subjects that truly divide the masses. Religion is one. Capital punishment is also in there. Quentin Tarantino is without a doubt a firm addition to that list. So I shall tread carefully, keep this brief and reserve my own opinions for a future occasion.

It has to be said that QT’s new movie INGLORIOUS BASTERDS, has looked fairly promising to date. Posters were appropriately witty and trailers promised a return to boys-own Nazi-era adventuring. However, reviews from the film’s premier at Cannes clearly suggest filing the end product under “P”. For “pure crap”, that is.

In fact, I understand that a bootleg copy is already on it’s way to our own Ferguson for his unique brand of viewing pleasure!

How bad can it be? Well, The Guardian’s movie critic referred to the world’s first screening of the movie with the immortal line, “[QT’s] new film arrived like some colossal armour-plated turkey from hell”. Ah.

But at least the London Telegraph was slightly more positive, stating the movie was, “not so much inglorious as undistinguished.” Ouch.

So, after the tepid reaction to DEATH PROOF and now this critical slaughtering, the big question is whether Quentin still had that special mojo that set the world alight in the mid 90’s? What do you think?

DESCENT PART 2 Not so Decent?: Speaking of early reviews, Aint It Cool News recently posted one of the first reviews of the upcoming sequel to Neil Marshall’s sleeper classic THE DESCENT. Unfortunately, if this preview is reliable, it looks to be an unimaginative rehash of the original. If so, that’d be a real shame.

The first had me clenched in claustrophobic catatonia (god bless alliteration) before having me instantly shit my load during the now famous night vision reveal. Those who’ve listened to the commentaries will know that most of that skill in execution was courtesy of uber-editor Jon Harris… who has debuted his directing skills with DESCENT PART 2.

Click here for the (spoiler heavy) review: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/41010

I personally think that this could still be a fun time. Most of my favourite horror movies are cheap-ass sequels that you can throw on to enjoy with a few beers, and this sounds just that kind of flick – obvious example being Cameron’s ALIENS to Scott’s ALIEN (although perhaps a tad lower market!). Couple that with the fact that everything Marshall has been involved with to date has been first class… well, maybe not DOOMSDAY…?

Porno star in PIRANHA 3D: Alexandre Aja makes great horror movies. This is fact. Piranha’s are the baddest fish in any pond. Also fact. And yet I had 0% interest in Aja’s next movie, PIRANHA. Even the added incentive of 3D (which could work best for a killer fish film than any other) didn’t have me even curious. But now? I’m there opening night.

In an obvious move to coax my hard earned cash out of my usually ninja-tight grip, Aja’s gone ahead and cast adult movie star Riley Steele into a leading role! Yes, I’m actually that shallow.

Steele’s obviously got plenty of experience in front of the camera, but quite how this will prepare her for a starring role alongside Oscar nominee Elisabeth Shue, Oscar winner Richard Dreyfuss or Ving Rhames is yet to be seen. Probably best that she focus on the fact that former glamour model Kelly Brook is also featuring.

In fact, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ll probably spend most of the running time focusing on that very fact.

We Need Your Input!

2009-05-19T13:38:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that you've noticed, but the podcast has been getting progressively longer and longer. Sam and I were discussing this fact today at lunch and we came up with a few ideas. However, we wanted to get an idea of how you guys felt about it all.

We're thinking that the main reason that they're going so long is that we've got two weeks of voicemails and feedback to get into coupled with the fact that we have some more time to prepare with the 2 week frequency.

So, here are some of the options we came up with:

1. Don't change anything, just keep putting out a long-ass show.
2. Record two shows in a single night. We could handle that a couple of different ways:

Do two completely separate topics and split up the voicemails. We would probably have to only do two movies per episode in this case.
We could make every show a two-parter. We could split the feedback up into one part and the meat into the other part.
We could make every show a two-parter but split up the voicemails and treat each show as it's own with feedback and meat.
We could just play it by ear and decide how to do it based on how we think the show is going to go.

If we did the two show option (whether it be to create two separate shows or two-part shows) what you think we should do to release them? We could release them as soon as I get them edited, or we could hold one back a week. Don't know if that matters, but what are your opinions?

I was going to put up a poll to have a vote, but I think that there are too many options.

Let us know what you think by leaving a comment on this article.

Douchecast 5000!

2009-05-18T21:16:00.001-07:00

It is a momentous occasion! The Douchebag Podcasting Network has released the first Douchecast! Join Me, Dave from Cheap and Dirty, Stephen from JAFMP, Vaughn from Motion Picture Massacre, and Jeff from It Came from the Basement as we prove our douchiness in discussing Martyrs (among other things)...

Pardon the sound quality in this first episode. We had some technical difficulties. Trust me, it will get better!

Download it here!

If that doesn't work, try HERE.

Lastly, don't forget to enter the awesome DBPN Contest!

Cadaver Lab Episode 32: Tales From the Crypt

2009-05-18T21:06:00.001-07:00

This episode we discuss Tales from the Crypt. We talk about the EC comic line, the HBO television series, and some of the movies that Tales from the Crypt released. We review two films and four episodes of the HBO series.

As usual we go over some feedback... Sam threatens to fax some interesting pics on Man on the Street, and we also give a tribute to a very deserving person.

Download Episode Here

Bordello of Blood

Demon Knight

All Hail the Douches!

2009-05-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, we're a proud member of the Douchebag Podcasting Network. Right now, we are asking for your help! We're running a contest and the prize is Stephen's (JAFMP) copy of Brutal Massacre. He has no taste and thinks that this film is bad whereas I really enjoyed it.

All you have to do is fill in the dialog boxes and come up with what this couple is discussing. Here is the official blurb:

As you can see, our banner was derived from an actual vintage douche advertisement. But I think this can be funnier, dammit! So our first ever DBPN contest! Email us at dbpnetwork@gmail.com with the funniest fill-in-the-blank-balloons you can come up with. Winner will be decided by majority vote of DBPN members on June 15th, 2009. The winner will receive, appropriately enough, a movie made by douche bags. No, not THE GRAND HORROR. The winner will receive Stephen’s very own copy of BRUTAL MASSACRE. LMB, MFs.

As you can see, there is much at stake, so visit this link to submit your entries!

Dr. Smirnoff Reviews: Wolverine (Xbox 360)

2009-05-12T20:42:00.000-07:00

I've not read the X-Men comics (or any variation thereof) for a good few years. And yet even I know that Wolverine has, to date, been portrayed in both video games and movies as a watered down version of the very old, very bitter and ruthlessly violent bastard he's intended to be.

And it's clear to all that Hugh Jackman is essentially an overly handsome Australian who prefers his adamantium claws on the end of a nice pair of jazz-hands.

But the stoopidly titled X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE, UNCAGED EDITION (is there any other edition one wonders?) is a clear attempt to convince fans that Jackman is indeed ‘the man’ - the cover is nothing but his face.

However - and more importantly for us horror fans - the other lesson to be learned here is that indestructible claws protruding from the knuckle are indeed pretty sharp and incredibly deadly.

Playing as the titular (ha! - I typed 'tit') mutant, the game sees you dismember, decapitate and castrate hundreds of enemies in glorious high definition in your bid for freedom and revenge. Although in reality you can only do two of those three things.

On to game-play… Accessible and well executed combat allows Wolverine to carve his way through a screen full of bad-guys without too much effort. For far-away enemies, ‘Lunge’ moves allow the player to target an individual and dramatically dive across the screen before landing claw-first on the target’s chest or face. Get up-close and there’s no difficulty in subjecting a world of pain on those in your path.

Wolverine isn’t spared punishment of course, and his body visibly disintegrates with each hit he takes. This can sometimes result in Logan running round with his spine, ribs and (presumably knackered) liver on show. But worry not faithful fans, for his annoyingly toned physique regenerates during each few seconds of downtime.

Production values are as high as one would expect from a movie tie-in game, which usually have barrels of cash thrown in their general direction. Both Hugh and Liev lend their voice talent and whilst all other cast members from the movie are missing, the vocals are impressive regardless. Graphics are also high calibre (um… did he mean calibER? –Mike). In-game visuals for both character models and environments are impressive but a selected number of cinematics obviously received extra attention, being ultra-slick and spookily lifelike.

Complaints could include the eventual repetitiveness of gameplay, linear level design and lack of multi-player. But this is like complaining that your indestructible skeleton is the wrong shade of silver for your liking.

In short, this game is pleasantly accessible, surprisingly bloody and very, very satisfying. Buy it. Buy it now.

Ferguson Takes one for the Team: PocaHauntUs!

2009-05-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

Ferguson Takes One For The Team

This Week:

PocaHauntUs

Dear Reader,

Every 100 years the spirit of Pocahauntus returns to kill the descendents of those that killed her people, or her ‘ancestors’ as she refers to them (ya, try to figure that out). This is the story of some lame cliché characters that are all invited to a camp and killed by the vengeful spirit of the titular character. It takes place in the dry dead backwoods of Virginia, or perhaps a part of Virginia that looks exactly like the foothills of Southern California. Really? Everyone in Virginia has California plates and Yucca grows all over out there. Hmmm, I guess I need to get out more. Well, that’s about it. So, now begins our discussion of this unique study into the pain threshold of the human mind.

Poca is played by a cross-eyed version of Angela from Sleepaway camp, seriously I know they make corrective lenses for that, they even made a whole movie about it called May. This is one of your typical low budget failed attempts at a horror comedy. No actual comedy is found here and there is never a moment of horror. It feels more like a group of strangers making up a story on the spot for a student film. No bad movie would be complete without shots of visual boom mike, boom mike shadow, camera and ‘crew’ reflection, redneck spittle on camera lens, and even the sound of the camera operator ‘operating’ the camera. Things get so intense you can actually hear the ‘director’ speaking to the ‘actors’ and telling the camera person what to film. There’s even a voice overdub so bad that the director coaching the actor can be heard in the right side mix.

And these were the relatively better moments…

A note to whoever played guitar on this soundtrack: please stop.

Yes, you are right; this movie does look like your unattractive neighbors homemade porn WITHOUT any actual porn. There is more drool in this movie then fake blood. In fact, the amount of blood contained in this ‘massacre’ would be appropriately called a driblet. To add insult to injury there is no full on bona fide Man-junk-inas but you do get a half chub in heart boxers, but upon listening to the commentary I found out it was just a banana (honestly) and not a real dong. That’s just irresponsible filmmaking, if your not man enough (literally) to sport some wood then leave it to the pros. However there was a special appearance of a package from what appears to be a middle-aged man in a silver sequined adult diaper. Class. There is a short scene of female nudity from the single most strung out and smack-ridden person ever. I would joke more about her obvious level of drug induced numbness, but considering a few year after the movie was made she died of an overdose, I would feel a little bad. Hopefully no one in this movie will die from absence of talent… then I would feel really bad.

If you’re still not convinced that you should stay far away from this movie then I will further inform you about the commentary track contained on its DVD release. The director and a few others drool over the flick (like teen girls over sparkly ‘vampires’) for the full course of the movie. Laughing their asses off and even repeating lines of dialogue that they believe are just too damn funny to allow them to be said only once. It’s like watching America’s funniest home videos, the videos aren’t funny, and the host sure as hell ain’t got comedic talent worth a shit, so why’s the audience laughing? WHY IS THE AUDIENCE LAUGHING?! They draw comparisons between this movie and the likes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Star Wars. Then they breathe unhealthily heavy into the mic. It’s called a pop screen, look into it.

I can find nothing in this movie that would be considered a redeeming quality. The only thing I can really say for it is that the idea of a killer PocaHauntUs is pretty good and could have been far better in more capable hands.

It has to be done, so here we go

I AWARD THIS MOVIE A 10 OUT OF 10 ON THE UWE BOLL-OMITER. There is NOTHING entertaining about it. There is only pain. This movie may actually cause involuntary death.

Do not see it under any circumstances.

Next Week: Ferguson goes tropical for Jewel Staite in:

The Forgotten Ones (AKA The Tribe)

Feeding The Masses (2004)

2009-05-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

"Feeding The Masses", is a film that I might have easily overlooked, but for circumstances unforeseen by me, it was brought to my attention.

The film was directed by Richard Griffin and written by, Trent Hagga. Both have illustrious careers in the Indy movie circuit.

Some of the actors as well, have numerous Indy ties, others, none at all.

The film, I may have enjoyed, but dismissed as another entertaining Indy zombie flick, however,
due to the current political atmosphere in which we live; it had a far deeper impact on me.

The film, meant to take a comedic but acerbic look at government control of life and the media,
proved to be more pragmatic than comedic. Oh don't get me wrong, it did have humor, though
the timing was frequently off cue.

The film tells the story of Pawtucket, Rhode Island, in the middle of a catastrophic event. It just so
happens, for my benefit, the catastrophe is the much anticipated, Zombpocalypse.
While the true extent of the Apocalypse is kept from the masses, there are a few that know
the truth, and try to disseminate it to the populace. The film is the familiar story, of the
true and virtuous souls, (although not so virtuous at times), against the avarice, greedy and corrupt.

The atmosphere of the film is enjoyable, even fun at times. With PSA's reminiscent of
the 1950's. You know, "How to treat a girl on a date", or in this case, "Just Play Dead".
If you ever watch AMC, you'll know what I mean.

There is plenty of gore for the gore hounds amongst us, with the makeup being adequate for the small budget and short filming time, (about 15 days).

If you are slightly paranoid about government control of the media, and ultimately your welfare and even existence, I wouldn't advise watching this movie until we get past 2012.

Red Box Rating

(The views represented by this review, are not necessarily the views of the management)

Review by Floridapossum

Robert R. Best - Don't Look in the Basement

2009-05-08T10:32:00.000-07:00

A young nurse is hired at a privately-owned mental institution. Where she lives in the same house as the patients. Do such places exist? Who knows. If that's a serious question for you, though, you're expecting too much from this movie.

The movie isn't especially sensitive or realistic in depicting the mentally ill, but it doesn't come across as especially mean-spirited in that front, either. You have the wacky, sympathetic patients. And you have the mean, scary patients. And the stern woman running the institute. Patients start dying. The nurse is in danger. And so on.

It's all really rather dull until a surprisingly effective ending. Almost like they filmed a good, creepy short film, then filmed a bunch of filler to pad out the beginning. The low-budget 70's atmosphere also lends it a grime and sleaziness that helps it along.

If you find it as part of a cheapo box set, like I did, its worth a watch.

Smarmy Git: Prank

2009-05-05T13:18:00.000-07:00

Just want to thank The Smarmy Git himself for submitting this for our approval:

3 Horror Femmes Want to PRANK You:

Greetings fellow genre geeks, forgive me for anything in this report as its my cherry busting debut. So in my rambles around this wild and wonderful thing we call the internet, (searching for info of the oft rumored official release of Halloween 6: The Producers Cut), I discovered this:

Courtesy of iconsoffright.com:

PRANK Teaser Images!
Several weeks back, we heard about a unique new movie that will have genre vets Danielle Harris (HALLOWEEN 4), Heather Langenkamp (NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET) and Ellie Cornell (HALLOWEEN 4) each directing a segment of an anthology film called PRANK. Producer Anthony Masi recently posted the following teaser posters (featuring all 3 directors) on his My Space page. Check them both out below! We know for sure that Danielle Harris's segment stars JC Brandy (HALLOWEEN's other Jamie Lloyd), Kathleen Kinmont, Coby McLaughlin, Dana Daurey, Edward Bell, Abby Dalton and Jennifer Blanc.

------------------------

Seemingly each segment will have a female’s name as the title with these being; “Madison” by Harris, “Cassidy” by Cornell, and “Jessica” by Lagenkamp. Lagenkamps effort was the final one filmed and it was started in the summer of last year. IMDB has the effort listed as in pos-production, and a release date that has come and gone. I have yet to find anything on whether this movie is shelved, but I would guess it’s direct to DVD if and when it sees the light of day. The only other info I uncovered was there’s a website under construction for the film, but it lists the film as being an anthology of 13 films all directed by Scream Queens. Outside of the three listed in the above article, the other 10 are only mentioned by the films they were in.

Right here you can enjoy two pieces of concept art for what I would guess are advertising 1 sheets.

Film’s website: http://www.prankmovie.com/

Ferguson Takes One for the Team: Guardians

2009-05-04T12:26:00.000-07:00

Ferguson Takes One For The Team

This Week:

Guardians

HEY YOU GUUUUYYYYYYYSSSS!!!!!

Drew Maxwell, even the name sends chills down my junkspine. He has graced us with such cinematic ball sack gems as The Sleeper, Carnivorous and will soon unleash his latest fury, Dust (oh, dude! Even the name made me double check the lock on the front door!), hopefully this very Year! Here Drew gives us Guardians, an amazing movie experience that titillates on all fronts, Horror mixed WITH Action. Seriously, where do they come up with this stuff!? I wish I had cool ideas like this.

It begins with some quote and some flames or something like that and then we arrive! To a town called Silent Hill, oh wait, what? Okay, I mean Twilight Cove, but with all the fog (that’s scary!) and what not, I really got a little confused there. Anyways, people are getting ‘slaughtered’ by these really scary, evil, oh damn, I couldn’t even finish that one with a straight face. Apparently, some bad CGI ‘monsters’ escaped from the 90’s and wound up here, I didn’t catch their names, but luckily my 2 year old came to my aid and bestowed the title of BUGGY to our terrifying creatures… quite apt, if you ask me. What’s even better is if you kill a Buggy they flash Photoshop light in the most incredible way, just rewatch Poltergeist: The Legacy and you’ll see what they were trying to do.

Then we cut to a different movie where some guy, that looks oddly familiar somehow (maybe from a video game or something?), is killing some vampire chick. Oh, I wish I had great ideas for movies like this! So he finds her in a basement with sunlight coming through the windows. Personally I would have thought an ancient vampire would not have overlooked something like, oh I don’t know SHADES! Really? No Home Depot nearby? Weak sauce Drew, weak. So he opens the coffin to stake her in the heart and she’s so hot! You can see all her totally hot details because of the SUNLIGHT that shines right in on her…

Dude, really I lust for the ability to write awesomeness like this!

Our main man is none other than famed monster killer Alex Lovecraft! Part of an ‘elite’ squad that will soon be sent to Twilight (scary fog) Cove to kill the things, protect the survivors and kill the evil, bald, makeup-wearing nerd named Strand with a demonic book that brought them into our world. They even bring along their pet clone Fester Jr., no not Billy Corgan, another Uncle Fester clone.

After a lot of movie watching I have concluded that more than anything else I want an ancient book that constantly whispers evil gibberish. Even if I can’t read the Canderian incantations I think that would rock so hard! However, I do have one thing to offer here, if you ever find yourself making a sweet movie (such as this) PLEASE remember that ancient texts should NOT look like they were printed on your new inkjet. Just a thought…

Wait I got an idea:

So, Resident Evil 4 ruled right? I will make a movie and all the music will sound just like RE4! Ya, you know that part where you fight a big monster in a lake, oh, the music was so perfect! I will put that in the movie for EVERY SINGLE ACTION MOMENT. Drew Maxwell beat me to it. He wrote, directed and composed the music for the movie, music that sounds in everyway like Resident Evil except for the main titles. That he took from Re-animator.

How about this, there was that really stellar knife fight between Leon S. Kennedy and Krauser, I would make that the final fight in my movie, how cool would that be!? Son of a bitch, Drew Maxwell beat me to it again!

All right, then there would be an ancient evil infection in the blood that if you got infected with it you would become an animalistic killer, much like the Las Plagas from RE4. Yep, Drew Maxwell got that one too. My man Drew is a definite fan of the video games, you know just like his (and mine) hero Uwe.

This movie doesn’t start so bad; it’s kinda like a semi-hot foreign chick. Spend some time with her and her snaggle tooth starts not looking so bad. Sure, you don’t understand half the shit she’s saying, but you ain’t listening because you’re staring at her hairy upper lip or maybe a massive hairy mole on her neck or something. But it’s all good; I mean she’s foreign right? And you’re thinking she’s pretty hot (or easy) and then you take her back to mom’s house and get her in the mood. You play some music, lower the lights and then pull down them lacey Hanes-her-ways and wouldn’t you know it she turns out to have an Egyptian Sun God Boner. You see this movie goes well for a while, not the best, but not pure crap. But then it just begins to aggravate the viewer. I am gonna hope that Drew Maxwell either wanted to intentionally piss me off with ungodly slow pacing and asstastical lameness, or he realized that his movie was only 30 minutes (of RE4 content) so he had to bleed it out a little more. That would explain the slow motion shots of A NAIL IN A PIECE OF WOOD. No, I’m serious; it’s in there, like someone actually nailed it in by hitting multiple times with a damn hammer! That’s hardcore, suck on that Bob Vila, you mucky bitch!

But all is not lost! At the very end of this bleak anal shaft of a movie, there is a twinkle of hope. After dispelling all the Buggies and mildly stabbing the evil Rob Halford look-a-like, the movie shifts again and takes on the spirit of Kirk Cameron with a Touched by an Angel sprinkle of Douchebaggery.

Witness for yourself… if you dare! Here is the dialogue with my translations included of course. I actually closed my eyes and imagined Meathead from Meatballs 2 saying it to me, it meant more that way.

Chick: Your team has done a great thing here. I’m sorry you lost one of your own in doing so.

[Can you say Martyrs?!?]

(Alex Pauses. Stares at nothing for a second like he sings for Creed)

Alex: You know, we could always use someone like you.

[Drink the flavor aid]

Chick: What for? You killed Strand and got rid of the creatures.

[Overcame the ice queen]

Alex: What you’ve seen is just the tip of the iceberg of what’s out there. Our work is never done. Just think about it.

[I went to a camp and they fixed me]

Chick: What should I say to people when they ask what happened here?

[I won’t say no to anything]

Alex: Whatever you want… no ones gonna believe you…

[Nice tits… for a girl. Snap!]

He’s talking about faith and hope! I get it now! We all have to pitch in and fight evil. DUDE this movie rocks in such a sweet virtuous way! Now the whole movie makes sense, it starts out great and then dies, then comes back from the dead…. Kinda like L. Ron Hubbard! Hells ya!

Drew Maxwell, truly you are the king of kings. Slow clap for you my friend, slow clap for you.

Why you should see this movie: It’s better than Transmorphers? No, I’m just joshin’ ya, it’s cat piss and after a case of Hamm’s you ain’t gonna tell the difference, so hook it up!

Why you shouldn’t see this movie: Because Capcom did it better the first time.

On the Uwe Boll-omiter, this movie gets a 6 (out of 10), it caused my veins in my arms to explode out and begin shooting BBQ sauce onto my walls. It wasn’t incredibly painful, but I got light headed and almost passed out. To be honest every time I start to pass out I get really turned on so it wasn’t totally bad.

6 degrees of Uwe:

Shannon Watson from Guardians had an uncredited walk on role in MIB 2 (hell ya that counts!) with David Cross
David was in Pootie Tang (BEST MOVIE EVER) with Jennifer Coolidge
Jennifer was in Austin Powers with the one and only Clint Howard!
Clint was in HOUSE OF THE DEAD by Uwe MFing Boll.

Suck on that!

Cadaver Lab Episode 31: Masters of Horror - Post Mortem

2009-04-30T20:03:00.000-07:00

Here it is! Cadaver Lab Episode 31: Masters of Horror - Post Mortem. This episode we do a quick overview of the Showtime program called Masters of Horror. The thought behind this program is to get the best horror directors (such as John Carpenter, Dario Argento, Stewart Gordon, and Takashi Miike) and give them the chance to direct a one hour short film to showcase their talents. This idea was the brainchild of famed horror director Mick Garris. This show ran for two years and then was cut from Showtime's schedule. It was reincarnated as Fear Itself on NBC for one season.

As usual, we present the things that you've come to expect from Cadaver Lab. We do some feedback including email and some voicemails. You are also treated to Sam's Man on the Street segment as well as an awesome tribute!

Download the Episode Directly

Music for this episode:

Antiworld - Tallman (by request from Rotten 138)
Megadeth - Scorpion (as requested by everybody out there... you know you love Megadeth)
Death Stars - White Wedding

2009-04-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

Presenting Doctor’s Rounds “lucky number” 07. Not Lucky Number Slevin, cos that was shite. And had Josh Hartnett in it. He doesn’t appear here and neither does Bruce Willis. Or Morgan Freeman, who was also in that movie I think. Although if they did, maybe more people would actually read this… am I rambling? Sorry. I get lonely here. Please leave some feedback via the funky new Comment link to show you care. Or suffer more inane mutterings next time. You have been warned.

Kruger on VIDEO: I was only three years old when VIDEODROME was originally released to a bemused and mostly repulsed audience. So it was only many years after that I finally got to experience the visceral and frankly rather sweaty 80’s classic. Where most early 80’s horror are worthy of appreciation for their execution or originality given the era, this one has succeeded in leaving audiences feeling coated in its filthy essence through the decades since release.

Well I’m sure you’ll be shocked to read that it’s slated for a hi-tech remake. Unexpected, right? No? Fair enough… Universal Studios have hired Ehren Kruger to re-imagine the surreal horrors that interactivity with visual media could bring about. Now, is it me, or is that message not as, lets say visionary as it was twenty six whole years ago?!

On the plus side, Kruger (no relation to Frederick) successfully translated similar themes in the US remake of RINGU. On the down side, he also inflicted us with BLOOD & CHOCOLATE which unfortunately wasn’t a new variety of Ben & Jerry’s for premenstrual Goths. Because that would have been more fun.

Do you think the blur between reality and video be portrayed with as much sense of ethereal horror to today’s YouTube generation? Let us know below…

Return to SLIME CITY: This is one for the fans of grimy midnight classics… the sequel to the 1988 cult movie SLIME CITY, intriguingly titled SLIME CITY MASSACRE, is due to lens this July in Buffalo. Gregory Lamberson returns to direct proceedings.

SLIME CITY MASSACRE tells the story of four squatters as they struggle to survive in New York City following terrorist attacks and the collapse of the financial system. The gang come across an abandoned soup kitchen with it’s own supply of wine. This particular wine is seemingly the house special and probably French, as it turns those who drink it into psychotic slime creatures.

Sounds like slimy, schlocky fun! And if there’s wine on offer, you can bet I’ll be there early doors! But does anyone know of a movie that’s had a sequel produced more that twenty one years after the original? If so, post ‘em below.

TOOLBOX MURDERS Legends: I didn’t even know that there were plans to follow up Tobe Hooper’s pretty good remake of THE TOOLBOX MURDERS with an original sequel - but they’re doing it anyway. What’s more, they’ve recently announced the first castings. What’s even more than that is the list of names given!

What genre fan hasn’t imagined Jeffery Combs, Lance Henrikson and Tony Todd in the same movie? Well we shall imagine no more, fellow dreamers, for it is reality! Hell, throw Campbell, Moseley or Englund in there and you can consider me spent!!

As for the story (who really cares?) the writer/director Dean Jones assures that the movie, “…will not be gore for the sake of having gore...it has depth and style.” Oh well, can’t have it all I suppose.

Robert R. Best - Strangeland Review

2009-04-29T12:27:00.000-07:00

Before I let Rob take it away with his review for Strangeland, I just want to make sure everybody visits his site and supports his awesome writing. He has been a friend of the show for a very long time and we really appreciate his willingness to let us publish his reviews. Visit him here: http://robertrbest.com/

-Mike

Dee Snyder uses chat rooms to lure teenage girls to his house so her can torture and kill them. And when he kidnaps a cop's daughter, the computer-phobic cop must learn how to use the internet to find her.

Like many other 90's computer-themed movies (think The Net), the computer stuff is not very realistic. Dee Snyder is even able to talk (as in, send audio) over what is probably a dial-up connection, with crystal clarity and no buffering.

Snyder wrote the script but didn't direct. Which is probably good, because the script is kind of weak. I mean, it's not the monstrosity you would expect the guy from Twisted Sister to write, but it's not all that good, either. He also doesn't act all that well, which is bad because he wrote lots of dialogue for himself.

Another weakness is how this movie is really two movies plastered together. The second movie starts when Dee is caught then released years later as reformed. The community torments him until he finally reverts to crazy-time. The thematic shift, coming at the middle of the movie, is abrupt and awkward.

One thing, though. One of the protesters outside his house has a sign reading "We're not gonna take it." And that makes up for a lot.

2009-04-25T21:30:00.000-07:00

Let me relay to you a special little conversation I had with my Left Nipple:

LeftNip: Ferguson my love, is this The Portal with Michael Madsen, Stacy Keach, and Roddy Piper?! Oh, how great the day, that sounds absolutely swell! Do I get to see one of them naked, or all of them nude piled up like a boar on top of a boar on top of an older hairier more wrinkled boar!

Ferg: …uh, well, no actually. This is an equally horrific display of a movie from Windchill Films.

LeftNip: Windchill Films, oh sweet, they made Candy Stripers and Séance, dude they got a new movie! Damn, is it me or is it getting cold in here?!

Ferg: oh, man, I’m sorry, but this thing… it ain’t like that, it’s more like an unconvincingly bad dream.

LeftNip: Yes? And is there twisting involved?

Ferg: oh, you dirty little… your so cute (and hairy), if only my tongue were longer…

MEANWHILE…

Let’s say you started to write a script and stopped. Have you perhaps found yourself stumped, well this movie has the answer to your writers block problem (the E.D. problem you have, well this will actually make it worse.)

LIGHTBULB MOMENT!

It’s simple really, just copy what you’ve already ‘written’ and YOU NOW HAVE TWICE THE SCRIPT! In fact why stop there? Do it again! Now you practically have a full movie and all you had to do was a little word perfect magic! Next we add some spice, and what says scary like FOGGY roads. Yes! Add a woman that in far too many ways resembles a brontosaurus. Double Plus! Don’t stop now, throw in our main ‘hero’ that gets to have lots of anonymous sex with (not) very hot (allegedly female) chicks! Ha, but now to the horror, they tricked you, he gets drugged by food laced with… uh, ashes? (Really?) Anyway he doesn’t remember any of the (not) hot sex and you don’t get to see it! True terror…

Our hero with the aid of a wisecracking (Steve Buscemi wannabe) sidekick get caught in HORRIBLE fog and must stop at a motel. Peculiarities ensue and they are unable to leave. No, they are not held against their will vacancy style, but rather, they can’t find their keys, or they fall asleep, because it’s been proven that bad acting causes forgetfulness and narcolepsy. HORRIBLE! Since they can’t remember (because of the ashes?) our truly outrageous guys relive the same night over and over. And Bronto-bitch has pregnant women in cages! Behind the terror is a bad toupee, a gay (sleeveless) boy and a transsexual (they claim it’s a women, I’ll challenge it to the Dundee test on that one). HORRIBLE! They are trying to get a baby to be born so the fog will go away, no really I watched it a couple times and I think that’s what’s going on. Well, maybe I’m mistaken and they were all doing this as a double-a therapy kind of thing to overcome personal demons and keep each other from drinking. They really should have stuck to drinking Everclear and huffing paint while weeping in a dim lit public bathroom.

Evil beings got you trapped in another dimension, easy, just whack ‘em 23 times with a stick (yes, I counted) and they die. Now that’s hardcore to the max. The only actual nudity we get is a chick with what appears to be a scar from sternum to stomach; perhaps she really is a dead body post autopsy. That gave the movie a glimmer of hope for a fleeting moment, but sadly was followed by Bronto-bitch summoning CGI flames that burned… well nothing actually. It was pretty dumb.

Alright, I really tried, but that’s it, I give up, if watching people read their lines and fear of death by boredom are your thing, then this flick is for you. The deaths are so incredibly lame and there are no attempts at anything remotely close to a scare anywhere here. You have to wonder, was this movie made to look like this or did they lose a dare? They actually have the nerve to used shaky cam in this movie. I’m convinced it happened purely from the large amounts of meth the director was doing while still convinced this movie was a good idea. The cast is a who’s who of absolute nobodies, unless you count soft-core porn and walk on soap opera roles, both of which I deny exist.

Why you shouldn’t see this movie:

It causes irreversible damage to your medulla oblongata and is not in any way enriched or fortified with anything close to vitamins or minerals, nor is it a part of a complete breakfast, lunch, dinner, or afternoon delight.

Why you should see this movie:

Ummmmm… well, the song as the credits roll was kinda cool, but then the dicks cut it short and played some lame-ass chick rock crap. No, you shouldn’t see this at all.

On the Uwe Boll-omiter this movie gets an 8 (out of 10, 1 being good and 10 causing nothing but pain), it didn’t kill me, but it tried! I bleed from my tear ducts (so that’s how Fulci did it!) and I literally crapped in my pants. It had little to no entertainment value of any kind.

Six (well actually less) degrees to Uwe!

Katherine Hawkes (who was scary without trying) was in Portal. She wrote, directed and stared in Immortally Yours with Daniel Goddard.
Daniel Goddard was in Stan Lee’s Lightspeed with the immortal Lee Majors.

Lee Majors was in Fate with Michael Paré.

Michael Paré, was in pretty much everything Uwe Boll has made, but I’ll go with SEED! That movie ate ass cock!

Next Week, Ferguson travels to another town full of… fog (fog is scary) and bad CGI (that’s scary too) with Guardians! (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486592/)

If you happen to spot a movie that you haven’t seen and it looks just plain stupid. Perhaps you don’t quite dare to watch it, well just let me know and I will do my duty to check it out and report back just PM me on the Forums.

BRING THE PAIN!

Who Likes Some Old Time Radio?

2009-04-22T10:22:00.000-07:00

As you know, we don't typically plug any website or organization in any kind of way that could be construed as an advertisement. We do have a link to Horror-Mall, but that's because the guys over there are completely independent and selling independent horror items highlighting the artists/authors/filmmakers who fuel the independent horror scene.

Well, here is another organization that I would put in that same category. Except they sell all kinds of Old Time Radio shows including an extensive collection of Horror-Mystery titles. Here's a little snippet that was sent over to me:

Old Time Radio Catalog (OTRCAT.com) is dedicated to the preservation of the golden era of radio (old time radio) and features some of the best in radio dramas and radio horror-mystery shows.

Radio is the ideal medium for horror and mystery entertainment. In the minds eye, old time radio horror and mystery shows can conjure the most frightening of scary sensations. With sound effects, good timing, and the power of suggestion horror and mystery in classic old time radio created some of the scariest and most memorable horror productions in history.

From the OTRCAT.com website, you can hear thousands of old time radio episodes online and can stream or download full episodes in Mp3 format. Listeners can sample and read about some hand-picked horror favorites in the Horror and Mystery on the Radio article.

Detailed descriptions of the performers and series broadcast in the era (1920's - 1959) are available to read. In the 'daily downloads', there are the broadcasts of the day throughout history (from the last 50-70+ years).

Up until the late 1990's, collecting Old Time Radio Shows was expensive and the shows themselves were rare. The original site began as a old time radio trading site to share my collection, further my personal collection of old time radio shows, and provide a place for other fans to research the history of the shows and performers (including many actors from the horror genre) including:

Bela Lugosi, best known for his role as Dracula has many old time radio guest appearances.
Vincent Price is a collection that includes his performances on The Saint.
Orson Welles is an extensive collection showcasing his illustrious career in the horror genre.
Peter Lorre collection is popular among horror and mystery old time radio fans.
Boris Karloff Frankenstein's Monster, appeared in a multitude of spooky old time radio shows.

Since the 1990's, OTRCAT.com has encoded thousands old time radio shows into the MP3 format which have been made available on various websites, but for your dose of spooky radio shows, please visit the original OTRCAT.com and enjoy some classic horrific radio shows today!

Biggie Dubs: Exorcist : A First Look

2009-04-20T19:03:00.000-07:00

Is The Exorcist greatest movie ever? Probably not, although you cannot doubt it has to be counted alongside the greatest movies ever made. So, is it the greatest horror movie ever? Another tough question, but one I feel that cannot honestly be answered yes. With increasing technology, and directing techniques, we may never able to nail down the definitive greatest horror film. Could it be the most important horror film ever, then? I'm going to take a gamble, and say yes, it is the most important horror film ever.

Now, it was certainly not the first ‘mainstream’ horror film, which perhaps goes to Night Of The Living Dead (again, questionable), yet it certainly gave many young people a reason to love horror films forever. Where would we be without this film? With a stunted genre, less fans, and probably more zombie films.

This film is flawless, it really is. This is the essence of all horror films, what all those that follow try to emulate, with varying results. Everything this film tries to do; it succeeds, even to this day in my eyes. While not being a religious person, I perhaps could not comprehend the full meaning of the horror. Yet the film was still able to give you that uneasy feeling in your gut, you know the one I'm talking about.

With many trips back in time through horror films, the effects are usually the major downfall, and sticking point for younger viewers. They believe that if it looks stupid, then it automatically is, and by the same logic, modern films are somehow better. Considering the fact that this movie was released in 1973 it is amazing to see how well this movie stands up. I prefer practical effects, simply for the reason that they will look good forever, if done right of course.

Despite the fact that this film has survived the 36 year gap with the majority of its former glory in tact, I doubt there would be many of the newcomers to horror who could appreciate today. This film is legendary; its one of the foundations of horror, but its status may precede itself to those who cannot take it seriously.

This film is around 2 hours for a start, and slow paced at times. Also, its horror, may simply be too tame for some. There is not a monster, of sorts, just an evil inside the amazing Linda Blair. Although there are 3 deaths in the film, we only see one, and may not be enough for those blood-thirsty youths of today.

It is horror in its literal sense; fear of the unknown. And whether or not the devil can still scare people in this less-religious time is to be seen.

This film is amazing, as long as you allow it to be. To get the most out of this film, set a couple of hours aside, preferable around midnight. It deserves it after all. If you watch it anywhere else, especially with other people, then you will definitely not get what you’re supposed to out of it.

This film is creepy, has ground breaking subliminal messages, and an amazing ending. If are new to the genre, or have not seen it for whatever reason, you owe it to yourself to watch it. This is the basis for every horror film you have seen. This is the ultimate horror film, and in my eyes, the most important. Just pray they never remake it.

Dexter - Watch it Now

2009-04-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

So Mike introduced me to one of the best written television shows I have ever seen. Dexter on Showtime is a smart, darkly humorous drama that gets your attention from the very beginning.

If you don't know, Dexter is the adopted son of a Miami homocide cop. Dexter has grown up with "urges" that have been noticed by his loving father. The cop decides to help Dexter with the urges by teaching him how to get away with murder. They develop a code that in essence says that anyone who you know has gotten away with murder can be disposed of themselves.

I am not going to go in to the plot lines at all because there are some intricate weaves that take whole seasons to resolve. Jennifer Carpenter plays Dexters step-sister. Now I am not a Jennifer Carpenter fan, but she does a great job in this. There are 3 seasons so far with 12 episodes each at about an hour. This is a must see for cable drama lovers, and anyone who has a little dark side. I still can't figure out who I pull for. I give this a bonesaw, let me know what you think.

The Spammers Got To Me :(

2009-04-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

I'm really sorry to have to do this, but I turned off the ability to sign up for the forums with a gmail account. Today I had over 100 spammers sign up with a gmail account. It is hard to sift through all of the accounts and know which are genuine sign-ups.

Sorry for the inconvenience. If Gmail is your only email address, let me know at mike@cadaverlab.com and I'll get you signed up!

2009-04-18T07:31:00.001-07:00

Rejoice, for Doctor’s Rounds 06 is here!! Behold the mathematical truth behind the attacking zombie hordes! Succumb to a tale of jealousy and voodoo revenge! Gasp as an icon gives in to fashion! Or just read the words below and post thoughts on the forums… your choice really.

Surviving SURVIVAL in L4D: Doctor’s Rounds 05 reported how the release date of the highly anticipated SURVIVAL DLC Pack for L4D had been surreptitiously included in a random blog post, announcing both this and the release of other game packs that I frankly could give a crap about.

Well, I guess it’s a case of “rumour confirmed” after the good folks over at VALVE updated their own L4D blog this week. The blog entry offers a helpful and very technical insight into how the mechanics of the pack work and hints at the mayhem that will ensue:

“For example, a tank will be much harder to fight if a mob of common infected spawns at the same time - and nearly impossible if three hunters also show up right at that moment… Given the extreme pace of Survival Mode, the number of zombies killed in a single round often outnumbers an entire campaign… As ammo piles provide a unique infinite resupply for players, they tend to be in relatively less defensible positions in the Survival arenas.”

Unlimited waves of the undead, Tanks and multiple Hunters? Sounds like a good time! Hope you’ll be joining me online when the pack is released for PC and 360 on April 21st.

SAW VI Set Reports: There is an unwritten and silently accepted list of men who other men simply want to be. Y’know, like James Bond and Hugh Hefner. And - if I may - I’d like to add another name to this list: John Raybin. Who?! Why?! Because he’s the lucky S.O.B. who is currently residing on, and reporting from, the set of SAW VI as it’s shot in Toronto.

Lucky for us, he’s posting frequent tidbits of what he’s seen and done. Once my initial jealousy and sheer hatred of the man for having regularly shared dinner with the entire cast & crew had subsided, I returned the voodoo effigy to its box and extracted the following from his posts thus far:

“This has been a bloody week. A bloody week indeed... Director Kevin Greutert has firm control over the set – he’s comfortable, relaxed and in control... I love the sets. They are remarkable-looking. They are the best SAW sets I’ve ever seen... and the traps – wait until you see these amazing traps! This movie is a lot more violent than the previous [instalment]… Could be the best script yet!”

Raybin also reported that the ways that the writers and producers have reintroduced Amanda (Shawnee Smith) into the plot is nothing short of “ingenious”. We’ll have to wait until October whether these reports are accurate or hype. In the meantime, I’m in need of some long pins just sharp enough for stabbing dolls…

Sequel to Remake is not Remake of Sequel: Rob Zombie’s half-remake-half-original-sequel HALLOWEEN is one of those movies that polarized horror fans. Some thought it to be a travesty and others considered it a reboot suitable for a new generation. The biggest criticism aimed at the movie was the fact that the second half turned into a montage of 'greatest moments' from the original.

And so, despite the sequel beginning with Michael hunting his big sis through a hospital mere hours after the events of part one, Zombie is looking to avoid the same criticisms from fans of the franchise:

"This movie has nothing to do with the movie that came out back in 1981. The only thing slightly the same is my film has a brief hospital scene at the top of the film and even that is 100% different. These are all new characters and all new situations. This is not a remake of a sequel, this is the continuing story of the Halloween I started."

So keen is Zombie’s desire to mix things up, rumours are that the infamous William “The Shat” Shatner mask is actually not worn throughout a portion of the movie. This may explain the hoodie look seemingly adopted by Myers in segments of the 20 seconds of footage shown exclusively on Entertainment Tonight. Or he could just be sulking... Or perhaps shoplifting... In any case, it will definitely prove for an interesting watch!

Ferguson Takes One for the Team: Zombie: The Beginning

2009-04-15T19:46:00.000-07:00

We have a submission! As the title of this article indicates, Ferguson is going to watch the worst of the worst... then report on it! Just want to say thanks to Fergie!

Zombi: La Creazione

AKA Zombie: the Beginning

Directed by Vincent Dawn… er, wait, what’s that, I mean the infamous Bruno Mattei! In fact this is his final film, this is his requiem that he graces us with posthumous. Why the alias? I haven’t a clue, maybe it’s the lack of soft-core sex scenes. This is the sequel to the equally amazing Island of the Living Dead, ya it said island, but what I saw was a Haunted House at the local theme park.

We begin our adventure with a backdrop of stock synthesized military themed music and the cliché southern helicopter pilot saying… “Roger, we spotted a shipwrecked person. We’re going to the rescue.”… And from there the dialogue continues to be natural and realistic.

You gotta give them credit for the fact that they actually procured a real helicopter for filming and didn’t attempt CGI.

Even though some of our esteemed actors are speaking English we get some amazing dubbing (in the Italian tradition), the effect of which is to cause your limbic system to explode with adulation!

Now, most reviewers will just simply say this is a complete rip-off of some obscure 80’s flick called Aliens, but that’s pure shit, this is all original baby!!

We jump directly into what is likely a true story of…

A Dream (of a haunted house) within a Dream (of her being infected by a haunted

house)

A confrence room full of suits cross examining our hero about her dead crew and the destruction of their ship called… wait for it… The Dark Star!
6 months later Paul Reiser, I mean Paul Barker comes to her from The Tyler Corporation and admits that they know her story is true because the team they sent in to check her story is now MISSING! She rejects the offer to go back to the planet, I mean haunted house, I mean island and he even gives her his card!!!!!

YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS UP!! PURE GOLD!!

She goes home and dreams (of a haunted house) and goes to look in the mirror. We know where this is going. Quick! To the batcave!
Marines… with tough chick wearing bandana, a smartass and yes we even get a cafeteria scene, sadly there are no robots involved. Not that I’ve seen that before, but I kept thinking robots would really take this to the next level, kinda like a cowbell.

Suddenly things change drastically and we get to watch some random shots from Crimson Tide! We are treated to scenes of submarines with great American actors such as Danny Nucci and Viggo Mortenson. (You think I’m making this up? You wish!) You may be incredulous and think that perhaps I speak of a movie that looks like similar. Oh, so naïve. No, in fact we are privileged to watch actual footage of Crimson Tide.

What follows for the remaining hour is some of the purest and unadulterated HORROR!

Moments where their guns fire with such tenacity that there is no muzzle flare. Where actors talk with such skill that you hear there words multiple seconds after they’ve spoken them.

There is an incredibly disturbing attack from a zombie midget with an eyeball growing from its head; all I can say is hide the children!

Zombie babies exploding from dead zombified mothers, or are they vampires, because, well they do have fangs, so I’m not sure it’s kind of a hybrid haunted house experience.

There was even this UBER INTENSE part where the marines go into the haunted house and the leader (with the main chick and some old Alzheimer’s guy that wandered onto the set and looks lost the whole damn time) stay back in the vehicle to monitor through cameras. While the zombies at the haunted house start jumping out and attacking them so the leader says “pull out!” but they don’t because there pinned down, and the chick starts yelling about “get them outta there” and so she goes and starts driving the VAN all crazy (by the way it’s a stick shift and she subscribes to the ‘if you can’t find ‘em, grind ‘em” school) to rescue the marines. Oh man, you just have to see it; I pissed in my bugle boys. It was awesome! A zombie even gets on the van and she throws it off and runs it over, Dude I am seriously still shaking just thinking about it! Undiluted Terror!

Let’s just say it goes on from there and trust me when I tell you that you won’t believe how far they take this thing. I can’t say it was a waste of time, I actually found myself laughing at their attempts at what can easily be called a remake.

So, Why you don’t need to see this movie…Well, to put it short, you already have.

Why you do need to see this movie… If watching Shakespeare done by hacks at a local park pavilion isn’t good enough for ya, then you need to see James Cameron done by the Salt Lake Community Theatre! Haazaa!!

This movie only gets a 4 (out of 10) on the Uwe Boll-omiter which only caused mild cramping and discoloration of stool.

It was pretty damn bad, but still entertaining.

Writers/Contributors Wanted!

2009-04-14T13:48:00.000-07:00

Hey... YOU! That's right YOU! um... I know that you watch a load of horror flicks. I also know that you read horror literature and even enjoy the multiple forms of horror entertainment that is available. I also know that you have an opinion... You know what they say about opinions... They say that if you are able to put them into a thoughtful and insightful review or article that the Cadaver Lab would love to put them up on their site!

This is Mike... you know... the guy making all of the juvenile attempts at humor on the Cadaver Lab Podcast. I thought that I was going to have more time to spend adding content to the front page as well as creating other goodies like trivia for the site... Well, you know how busy I am writing apology letters to all of the groups of people that I offend during the podcast. Unfortunately, this has taken up much of my free time.

Therefore, if you have the desire to submit an article, review, or some other type of appropriate content to the Cadaver Lab, without promise of compensation, we want you!

Shoot an email over to mike@cadaverlab.com if you're interested!

Robert R. Best - Tamara Review

2009-04-14T13:28:00.000-07:00

So, Tamara is into spells and such. That fact and her name remind me of Tara from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Maybe we should skip reviewing Tamara and instead sit quietly and think about what a good show Buffy was.

Ah. Nice.

Anyway, back to Tamara.

Tamara is into spells and is a bit of a social outcast at school. Some other kids decide to play a prank on her and, like all pranks in all horror movies for all time, the prank goes badly. So badly that Tamara is killed.

Hey, now that I think of it, Tara on Buffy was also killed.

What a good show Buffy was.

Oh, sorry.

So, Tamara is killed in a prank gone bad. But the magic she's been into causes her to come back from the dead. And it somehow makes her sexy, too. Because nothing says sexy like reanimated corpses bent on revenge.

Did I mention she's bent on revenge? Do I need to? You know how these movies work. What do you think she'd come back for, ice cream?

Mmmm, ice cream.

I guess my point is that it's easy to get distracted while thinking about this movie. It's just very typical, and not quite well made enough to rise above that. Bleh.

Episode 30: Asian Horror

2009-04-11T13:50:00.000-07:00

WARNING!!! For some reason Mike and Sam were on one during the recording of this episode. It is apparent as we make it our mission to offend multiple people and groups as a whole... You have been warned!

This week we discuss three Asian films that have been recommended to us. These three films are Tokyo Gore Police (2008), The Machine Girl (2008), and Oldboy (2003). This episode we introduce a new segment for the Cadaver Lab. Sam takes the show to the streets to ask poignant questions to the unsuspecting public. As usual, we also go over some voicemails.

Download this Episode Directly

Music for this Episode:

Music Box - Candyman Soundtrack
Silent Hill - Silent Hill Soundtrack
Helmet - Exactly what You Wanted
Skeletonwitch - Sacrifice for the Slaughtergod

Tokyo Gore Police

The Machine Girl

Oldboy

Episode 29: Basket Case Trilogy

2009-04-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

This episode we discuss the awesome Horror Hound Weekend! It was awesome to go hang out with my podcasting compatriots. We discuss what celebrities were in attendance and which one needed to be bitch-slapped for his constant attention whoring.

We also discuss three movies that will blow your mind. the Basket Case Trilogy! I must say that these are the best movies that involve conjoined twins that were separated and one lives in a basket.

As usual, we go over some voicemails. To leave a voicemail, call (206) 339-2730. If you would like to shoot us an email, send your thoughts to mike@cadaverlab.com or sam@cadaverlab.com. Make sure to visit http://www.cadaverlab.com!

Download This Episode Directly

Music for this episode:

Sublime - Date Rape
Strapping Young Lad - Love?
Slipknot - People = Shit

We typically don't add any clips for the music, but Strapping Young Lad's video for "Love?" is extra Special:

Basket Case

Basket Case 2

Basket Case 3

2009-03-31T14:37:00.000-07:00

Doctor’s Rounds 05 brings news on infinite zombie hordes, the poster for Raimi's latest and the return of the scariest clown ever to grace the screen. Read on and post your thoughts on the forums!

L4D DLC: Left 4 Dead is one of the best things ever. Not just one of the best games. Not simply one of the best multi-player experiences. But one of the best things, full stop. It is to horror fans what Halo is to, well… everyone else. And now we know when we can expect more. In a recent blog entry, the Xbox Live Community Team posted the release date of the highly anticipated DLC along with that of other games, such as Gears of War 2 and Halo 3. If this is to be believed, we could be defending lighthouses against unlimited hordes of peckish undead as soon as April 21st! All together now… “Ammo here”!!

DRAG ME TO HELL Poster: ShockTillYouDrop.com has secured the exclusive first look at the one-sheet poster for Sam Raimi’s return to horror, DRAG ME TO HELL. Early screenings of the film have received outstanding reviews, with the inevitable comparisons to EVIL DEAD actually being positive! That being said, I’m not getting that vibe from the poster – it just looks too… ‘clean’. And is it me, or does Alison Lohman look as if she’s actually enjoying things a bit too much here?

IT’s Back: I have no shame in admitting that the 1990 ABC mini-series IT scared the living crap out of me when I was younger. I can’t count how many pre-teen nightmares I had featuring Pennywise the clown and his offer of a free balloon. Well it seems as though a whole new generation is about to have the same experience. Warner Bros. have hired screenwriter Dave Kajganich (THE INVASION) to adapt Stephen King's novel for the multiplexes. This could be good, but if Kajganich can do something about that ridiculous ‘giant spider’ ending, it could be very cool indeed!

Horrorhound is over already?

2009-03-30T21:01:00.001-07:00

Wow! Horrorhound flew by and I didn't have the chance to do as many updates as I intended to. There was just so much going on that I had very little time to hop on the computer... However, I'll be updating the site throughout the week.

I'm a slacker

Horrorhound 2009 Indianapolis Day 1

2009-03-27T18:45:00.001-07:00

Hey Everybody! It's Mike coming to you straight from the Horrorhound Weekend 2009 in Indianapolis Indiana.

I've only had a chance to check out the festivities for a couple of hours, but it has already been awesome! I've talked to Doug Bradley, Bill Moseley, Derek Mears, and more! I intend to put up a crapload of pics throughout the weekend, but for this first post about HHW, I'll just share this treat:

Listen if you Dare!

Episode 28: Inbred Redneck Horror

2009-03-21T11:42:00.000-07:00

In Episode 28 we discuss some films with the topic of Inbred Redneck Horror. It's been a little while since our last episode and boy do we make up for some lost time.

The movies we discuss are Deliverance (1972), Wrong Turn (2003), and House of 1000 Corpses (2003). Three movies that may not have the deepest of interwoven stories for a plot, but deliver on the terrifying imagery and an atmosphere of isolation and hopelessness.

We want to congratulate McPierce again with his win in the "Imitate Sam" contest... His awesome prize package has been sent!

Download episode Directly

Contact the Cadaver Lab:
Voicemail: 206-339-2730
Email: Feedback@cadaverlab.com

Music for this Episode
Rocket from the Crypt - On a Rope
The Deadlights - Sweet Oblivion
Killing Joke - Millennium

Deliverance

Wrong Turn

House of 1000 Corpses

The Imitate Sam Contest is all over!

2009-03-14T20:00:00.001-07:00

Congratulations are in order for McPierce! He won a tight vote in the "Imitate Sam" contest.

Here is his entry: http://cadaverlab.com/resources/samentries/Mcpierce.mp3

McPierce, shoot your mailing address to mike@cadaverlab.com to claim your super-awesome prize package!

Last Day to Vote!

2009-03-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

It is the last day to vote for the "Imitate Sam" contest. There is a dead heat right now that has to be broken. We will count votes made until midnight MST.

Remember, to vote you need to login to the forums then click on the "Contests" link. You will see a thread dedicated to the Imitate Sam contest.

Doctor's Rounds 04

2009-03-13T06:15:00.000-07:00

The fourth edition of “Doctor’s Rounds” arrives a little later than usual. However, this is due to medical reasons. See, I saw REPO! this week and found myself on a natural high due to how frickin’ great it is. Unfortunately, I foolishly followed this with a viewing of Steven Seagal vs. Vampires in AGAINST THE DARK. The effect of extreme depression that movie inflicted, coming so soon after experiencing utter elation, took it’s toll on my mind and body. Alas, I soon recovered and here we are…

Three go 3D…

In last week’s Doctor’s Rounds I referred to the new trend of making/remaking positively everything in 3D, and this week it shows no signs of slowing down!

Never one to miss an opportunity to make a few dollars, Charles Band has leaped upon the bandwagon and announced his intention to remake his 80’s killer-toy flick, PUPPETMASTER, in 3D. No other details have been released and it may be that this idea falls flat pretty swift… I mean, can killer toys still be scary? Really?

Second in line for the 3D treatment is a sequel to the original Thai film, GIN GWAI (THE EYE). Directing duo, the Pang Brothers, are returning to the franchise they created with this new instalment, currently titled THE CHILD’S EYE. Cue spooky Asian ghosts loitering in drab coloured corridors – most likely staring into the middle distance with malicious intent.

Finally, Lionsgate Home Entertainment have announced that the Special Edition DVD and Blue Ray releases of the recent MY BLOODY VALENTINE remake will actually be available in both 2D and 3D! Four pairs of 3D specs will be provided with the movie, released May 19th, meaning that you and your friends can all enjoy the 3D splatter at home… whilst looking just as stoopid as each other.

RIDDICK to Return...

Imagine if Snake Plissken shaved off his beard and cut off his curly locks before flying into space to fight alien pterodactyls. That would be cool. Well it was cool. And it was called PITCH BLACK. The sequel, CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK will be remembered as a critical and box-office failure but it still had some nice ideas.

Well, in a recent interview with gamespot.com, Vin Diesel hinted that work was already underway on a third outing for anti-hero Riddick. Whilst promoting the release of the video game ASSAULT ON DARK ATHENA, produced by Diesel’s own Tigon Studios, he revealed that David Twohy is in-fact putting the finishing touches on a script as we speak.

Even better news is that the story will involve Riddick’s journey to the Underverse, where war and other nasty things are a constant. Other details include the statement that Twohy is aiming for an R-rated release, with leanings towards horror over sci-fi.

Original Films do RECALL Remake…

Columbia Pictures are reported to have agreed a deal with Original Films production company to develop a remake/reboot/reimagining of the 1990 sci-fi action adventure TOTAL RECALL. Paul Verhoeven directed the original, which starred Arnold Schwarzenegger and Michael Ironside. Now those are some big shoes to fill!

Although the original is clearly a stand-out genre favourite, I’m actually not that offended by the notion of a remake. Hell, as long as they keep the chick with three breasts, I’ll be there on opening night!

Episode 28 Preview

2009-03-12T13:24:00.001-07:00

Geez... now that we're only recording once every two weeks, I've got some extra time! You would think that I would use the time to prepare better for the show... you would think that...

Anyhow, just thought I'd put a snippet up on the site to preview our upcoming show. We're going to do Inbred Redneck Horror. Hopefully there will be a ton of inappropriate humor. We're going to be going over House of 1000 Corpses, Wrong Turn, and the mother of them all: Deliverance.

There were so many flicks in this category to choose from. Let us know what your favorite Inbred Redneck Horror flicks are!

Robert Best's Review of Sleepaway Camp 2

2009-03-12T13:20:00.001-07:00

We figured that we'd move right along in the reviews and bring another one of Robert Best's reviews over for your enjoyment:

I still haven't seen Sleepaway Camp. I know, I know. Shut up. I'll get to it eventually. But I know the basic plot and the the twist at the end. If you don't, I'll just leave it at that.

So one day, while home from work, I decided to test the Netflix streaming service with Sleepaway Camp II. Because it was there. I was expecting a run-of-the-mill slasher movie, nothing too exceptional.

And what a surprise. I was not expecting this movie to be as enjoyable as it was. Nor for it to be as (intentionally) funny as it was.

There's no attempt to hide who the killer is, either. We know from the first scene. So there's lots of campy dark humor to be had as the killer walks among the pool of potential victims and they have no idea.

As you might guess from the title, this was the 4,000th slasher movie to be set at a summer camp. And the killer is one of the camp counselors, a young woman who takes summer camp really seriously. So seriously she kills campers she finds morally deficient. And this being an slasher film, most of the campers are morally deficient.

So, lots of kills to be had. And it's gross. Like a body stuffed down an outhouse. And it's funny. Like a scene where the killer is moving calmly around the room, looking for an appropriate weapon while the victim chatters obliviously away.

Fun, and definitely worth a rental.

Robert Best's Review of Sleepaway Camp

2009-03-10T20:47:00.001-07:00

Geez... It's been too long since I've had enough time to add some posts to this site... Thanks to Robert Best for helping us out!

So, I finally saw Sleepaway Camp. And you know what? I liked it.

I can't say much, because this movie is all about the twist and the final scene. But, it's quite a twist and quite a final scene.

And here's the thing. I knew the twist going into this movie. I knew what was coming all along, and I still enjoyed it. So that would indicate that it's reasonably well made.

So, what plot can I give away? It's a slasher movie set at - are you ready? - a summer camp. There are kids and counselors. And a pedophile cook. There's also a shy girl everyone picks on, and her cousin who's always defending her. And there's a killer who's - well, you know, killing. The creepy old man who runs the camp tries to keep things quiet. Which frees up the killer to kill more. And so on.

Except for the final scene, it's all very familiar territory. But it's handled well enough. I've certainly seen much worse. It contains a surprisingly good arrow-through-a-neck effect, a surprisingly bad painted-on mustache, and surprise gay cuddling. You heard me.

Worth seeing, especially if you're a fan of 80's slashers. And it also contains one of the most infamous twists in slasher history.

Again, it's all about that twist.

Episode 27: Horror Hosts

2009-03-08T19:44:00.000-07:00

Get ready for a marathon episode from the Cadaver Lab. Not only do we discuss and review three movies, we discuss a few of our favorite horror hosts. We spend some time discussing why we love horror hosts and what impact that horror hosts have had on our horror movie watching.

We go into detail about Vincent Price, Vampira, Elvira, and Joe Bob Briggs. We share clips from each of these hosts including an introduction from both Joe Bobb and Elvira. Plus, we put in a clip where Sam and Vincent Price shoot the shit!

We reviewed three movies; The Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skid Row Slasher, The Devil's Wedding Night, and Fright Night.

Download the Episode Directly

Links:

The Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skid Row Slasher

The Devil's Wedding Night

Fright Night

Doctor's Rounds 03

2009-03-02T09:23:00.000-08:00

This week’s “Doctor’s Rounds” arrives with slight trepidation for two reasons: Firstly, because it pushes Big Winters’ superb take on the original TEXAS CHAINSAW slightly down the page – sorry mate. Secondly, if you read on, you’ll see some news that will no doubt upset Mike and others, doubtlessly leading to some forum fury! Will it be justified? Let us know on the boards!

CLOVERFIELD 2 – Because Mike’s Worth It…

The Cadaver Lab forums are frequently red-hot with fierce debate over the love/hate monster movie that is CLOVERFIELD. Some forum members thoroughly enjoyed the contemporary approach to the classic scenario. Others found the shaky-cam, slight storyline and casting of GAP models not to their enjoyment (to put it politely). Mike clearly falls into the second camp on this one and will - at any time - be only too happy to let you know his opinions on the movie…

Well, he’s going to no-doubt love the update from JJ Abrams on a possible sequel during a recent interview:

“We’re actually working on an idea right now… We have an idea that we thought was pretty cool that we’re playing with, which means there will be something that’s connected to ‘Cloverfield,’ but I hope it happens sooner than later because the idea is pretty sweet.”

With such scant detail, it’s too early to tell whether this will successfully build on the existing story or signal the end of any intelligent civilisation. Of course, some will have already decided…

RE-ANIMATOR Re-boot Re-vealed…

It seems that 3D is to horror what Friends Reunited was to social networking, lava lamps were to homely décor and 50Cent is to rap music… i.e. a fad. The latest property to jump on the 3D bandwagon? None other than RE-ANIMATOR.

Soon after it was confirmed by Stuart Gordon that HOUSE OF RE-ANIMATOR would no longer be relevant, and no-doubt inspired by the box office success of MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D, Brian Yuzna is setting out to develop his own remake of an 80’s classic using all three dimensions. There’s no word on a return from either Stuart Gordon or Jeffrey Combs at this point although I really hope Combs does reprise his role, I’m not sure I have the appetite for seeing yet another iconic character being recast!

Barker’s Idea for MEAT TRAIN Trilogy…

Clive Barker has often expressed his disappointment at Lionsgate for only releasing Ryuhei Kitamura's adaption of his short story, MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN, on a limited basis – and now we have a bit more of an idea why he was so frustrated:

"It frustrates me because we would have had a trilogy out of this," claims Barker. "I set to work to develop… the back story of the city fathers. The other movies were not just taking place in this city but in other parts of America. They were connecting up the story of underground activity which is America-wide. It would have climaxed with a meeting of all the stations, all of the lines. I had this massive plan in my head. The absence of a theatrical release was… killing the chance of getting a real horror trilogy that would be constructed picture by picture.”

I’ve yet to see MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN but it has been released here in the UK on DVD just today, so I will hopefully get a chance to catch up soon. For those who have seen the movie and know what Barker means by “the city fathers”, is a trilogy something you’d like to see? Post your thoughts on the Forums!

Big Winters: His Thoughts on Texas Chainsaw Massacre

2009-03-01T13:09:00.000-08:00

So, recently, the Cadaver Lab Podcast covered the 1973 version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The obviously well versed, and acknowledged ‘nerd’ Mike said he loved this film, and he can’t believe any body else wouldn’t love it. His co-host Sam, said that it was ‘okay’. His excuse was too much hype, and too many copies diluting the originals power. And…I agree with Sam.

First of all, this film was made in 1974, and beat all of the other traditional slasher movies by at least 4 years, (Halloween in 1978). So with all of the other main slasher franchises potentially being influenced by this, and the films that where influenced by them, we’re looking at the majority of slasher films since 1974 being a copy in some way. And when you have seen enough of the genre, even the very best can bore you.

The story begins, as you all know, with Sally taking her wheelchair bound, stereotype whiny-character Franklin. As well as these there is girl 1, 2 and guy 1. Okay, that was harsh. The characters in this rank among the least hated in movie history. With this film mostly focusing on feeling empathy for Sally and her friends, it works really well. The set of teenagers are by far the most normal, and innocent of all horror franchises. However, its strange to notice that despite being two couples, neither enjoy much in the way of love. Compare this to Friday The 13^th where if you have fun with someone of the opposite sex, Jason hates you, and murders you, preferably with awesome blood effects.

Another place where the film can be unfairly judged in modern times, is the various ‘disturbing’ acts. The hitchhiker, for instance, certainly makes you uneasy, yet for me, falling short of disturbing. The acts of cutting himself, and blowing up the picture, are unquestionably weird, yet with the common culture of wrist-cutting ‘emos’, and teenage gangs, the times have again caught up with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

The family, however, and without a doubt the biggest asset to this film. The child-like, yet unnerved killer Leatherface, the hitchhiker, and the head of the family, none of which given proper names, showing their animalistic nature. All, but especially Leatherface, are perfectly acted. Gunnar Hansen showing that brutal killers can still worry, and can still be frightened.

However, I cannot say that I was ever scared of Leatherface. The initial kill lacked shock, and terror, with no sound other than the slamming of the steel door behind the doomed Kirk. Now, the act of Leatherface grabbing him, and dragging him into the makeshift slaughterhouse is frightening, however, the overall effect isn’t. There is no ‘jumpy’ music, there is no screams, which, looking back is a good thing. In a film of realistic coincidences, there would be no realistic way that Dirk could force himself to shout out, and there certainly would be no music to make you jump, but perhaps less is less, in this overrated modern society of mine. Or perhaps im too childish to fully appreciate the brutal nature of this film.

The other kills in this film, and the subsequent chase, however cannot be faulted. The brutal impaling of Pam, and the sight of someone seeing their boyfriend being dismembered in front of them make for touch watching. The death of Franklin which is brilliantly backed up by the film score is jump worthy today, and the chase through the hedges and house remain as tense as you remember them. As a conventional slasher film, this has to be one of the best; however, the attempt to disturb the viewer wastes valuable killing time.

The attempts to disturb the audience, with the sucking of Sally’s finger and the dinner scene fail to disturb me in any way. Both look laughable 36 years on, perhaps showing the limitations of their culture compared to ours. With the reputation that this film holds, it cannot uphold it 30 years on. It cannot stand to the modern audience, which is acceptable, with the improving film quality, and its effects showing up the timeless classic.

So, I cannot take away anything from this movie, as it’s not meant for me, and it’s not meant to be watched for the first time now. Its perfect time to be watched was as a teenager in the 70s/80s. I understand why it deserves it cult classic status, yet I cannot enjoy it as much, because of it. It’s a classic, and it can only stay a classic by the memories of those who watched it in the perfect moment. And considering I didn’t, and Sam didn’t for that matter, how can you expect me to love it? It’s a great film, but it’s another reason why I was born to late.

Episode 26: Fulci Lives! Goes Live

2009-02-27T23:47:00.000-08:00

In Episode 26, we highlight some of the works of Lucio Fulci. We discuss Zombie Hell House 1981, The Beyond 1981, and Zombi 2 1979/1980. We discuss the differences between Fulci and his contemporaries. We talk about what traits go into a Fulci film and discuss some of the highlights from the Fulci movies that we have seen lately.

As usual, we go over some feedback and we discuss why Sam has a fear of mustaches!

Download this Episode Directly!

This episode's music:

Zombie Hell House (House by the Cemetery)

The Beyond

Zombi 2

Imitate Sam Contest Poll Goes Live!

2009-02-23T22:39:00.000-08:00

I had grandiose plans for the voting on the "Imitate Sam Contest" polling system. Unfortunately I haven't had any time to put it together and I don't see me getting time in the future, so I just added it to the forums.

Anyhow, in order to vote you need to visit the forums (and sign up if you haven't yet), click the "Contests" forum and enter the "Imitate Sam Contest Poll!!!" topic. There you can listen to the entries and vote!

Voting will be open until Friday, March 13th so make sure to vote!

To finish up... No, the picture of Jack has nothing to do with the poll... just thought it looked pretty!

Doctors Rounds 02

2009-02-22T12:01:00.000-08:00

Here’s the second of Doctor Smirnoff’s weekly round-up of the best current horror movie & game news. We want to hear your opinions, so get posting your thoughts on the forums soon!

SAW VI Plot Revealed…??

SAW VI is due to open in cinemas across the world this October and, after the dull offering that was SAW V, it had better have one hell of a twist before the game is finally over (assuming this is the final episode, as planned). In the meantime, Xbox Live is showing SAW V over its movie streaming service.

But it would seem that someone at either Microsoft of Lionsgate has made a school-boy error and featured the wrong synopsis in their advert for the movie… a synopsis now rumoured to be the outline for SAW VI:

“One man. One plan. One foot. Yes, the Doctor is in! With a strange twist of fate and a revengeful plot, get ready for the most anticipated event of Saw. Face your fears at his operating table. Know that no one is safe from his sickness. Chills and screams are his true pleasure. Blood? You'll be drenched in it.”

If you ask me (and even if you don’t) this sounds like more of a spin-off than the conclusion of the existing storyline. Could it be that this refers to the SAW video game we know to be in the works? If so, it looks like an interesting angle, although I always liked that the fate of Doctor Gordon was the one remaining mystery. We have a few gamers on the Forums and even fewer SAW fans… what do you think?

No HOUSE for Re-Animator…

RE-ANIMATOR is a film that gets much love here at Cadaver Lab and rightly so. I recently had chance to catch up to with the misadventures of Dr. Herbert West and now count BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR in my list of favourite horror movies.

Well, Dan & Ben over at MONDO MOVIE recently interviewed none other than director Stuart Gordon, and took the opportunity to ask him about the long-gestating ‘HOUSE OF RE-ANIMATOR’, to which Gordon responded:

“That had to be abandoned. It was going to be about the Bush administration, the idea of re-animating Dick Cheney. It’s pretty much old news now and I don’t think it’s going to happen. In a way I’m glad that it doesn’t need to happen… If McCain would have, God forbid, been voted in, we could have ended up making it about Sarah Palin taking over – that would have been a real horror movie!”

This is sad news to me. I would love to see Jeffrey Coombs reprise this role and IMDB even has William H. Macy listed as the President, which would have been cool. Still, at least there’s the ongoing talk of bringing back RE-ANIMATOR as a BUFFY style television series… right?

Craven Wants Cash to SCREAM Again…

Whilst there’s still no script, director or cast, Wes Craven is still speaking about SCREAM 4 as if the start of production is imminent. And he’s seemingly playing hard-ball. Craven definitely wants in on any sequel or reboot. But, only if he gets financial recognition for his contribution to the past movies on top of is fee for any work on a new addition to the franchise!

With Craven attached to any and all remakes of his past material, no matter how great (HILLS HAVE EYES), crappy (HILLS HAVE EYES 2) or completely unnecessary (LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT), it seems that he’s playing the same game as John Carpenter has over the past few years... i.e. cashing in the chips whilst the going’s good.

Personally, I think it’s unfortunate to see the individuals who best used the genre to speak out against capitalism and conformity actually seek to embrace it by feeding the Hollywood remake-machine. What are your thoughts? Are they right to do so? Was it inevitable? Let us know on the Forums…

Raimi’s Return a “perfect” DRAG…

Everybody wants Sam Raimi to return to horror. I mean c’mon, the guy gave us Ash, the deadites, Dutch angles and introduced the world to Bruce ‘The Chin’ Campbell. But after such a long period of time away from directing the genre, could he still have that magic that made us all avoid lonely cabins or books inked in blood and bound in skin?

Well, those lucky bar-stewards over at Bloody Disgusting recently attended an early screening of Sam Raimi’s return to horror, DRAG ME TO HELL. Their opinion?

“DRAG ME TO HELL was quite simply the most PERFECT horror film I’ve seen in a long, long while.”

If this is an accurate review of the film in it’s current form – and Bloody Disgusting are usually overly harsh, if anything, in their reviews – then ladies and gentleman, it would seem that the King has indeed entered the building to show all the pretenders how it’s really done.

Yes, you may consider me excited.

Episode 25: What's on Sam's iPod?

2009-02-20T00:40:00.001-08:00

Due to some unforeseen schedule conflicts and unavoidable coincidences, we weren't able to bring you our Lucio Fulci episode. Don't worry though because we will be talking about the gore-meister himself next week. Since we had to scrape together a show topic and Sam was out of town, we were limited to the horror movies that Sam had on his iPod.

Fortunately he had a few decent flicks... not saying we're including them in this show, but nonetheless. This week we talk about Thir13en Ghosts (2001), Candyman 1992, and The Ring from 2002.

We are also very lucky to be able to play three tracks by our own "KreugerDude" a.k.a. Johnny Sanders. Visit his Myspace page HERE.

Download the Episode Directly

Thir13en Ghosts

Candyman

The Ring

Sam's Chiropractor or Dr. Herbert West

2009-02-20T00:27:00.001-08:00

I have been a little concerned about my chiropractor ever since seeing the Reanimator. I'm wondering if I am being slipped a little something else besides adjustments and ointments. You decide...

Show Topic Change Episode 25

2009-02-17T09:39:00.000-08:00

As we were preparing for our full-blown Lucio Fulci show, we ran into a couple of problems. Actually we only ran into one problem. My copy of Zombi 2 hasn't arrived from Amazon yet. It's been 3 weeks and apparently they had an inventory snafu.

Anyhow, with a short time to put a show together, our options have become limited. Also, since Sam is out of town we were a little limited on what topics we could do. He told me that he is armed with a set of movies on his iPod that we could choose from. The flicks that he had would have presented a problem as far as coming up with a theme... So, this week we are proud to present "What's on Sam's iPod"!!! Three films that Sam happened to have on his iPod are now the basis for the next episode!

Friends of the Show: The Ligntning Bug's Lair

2009-02-15T17:46:00.001-08:00

Hello Everybody! Time for another installment of our Friends of the Show series. This week, we're focusing on The Lightning Bug's Lair (TLB).

First of all, I'd like to share the description of the site written by T.L. Bugg himself:

The Lightning Bug is the Boss Man of the Moon. When he's not teaching people how to talk like him ("reaaaal sexy") or taking his flying wing out for a spin, he enjoys watching and reviewing all kinds of cult, exploitation, sci fi, b-movies, and horror goodness to bring to the people of Earth. New reviews come out every couple of days so check back early and often.

There you have it! Within this description is about everything you need to know about The Lightning Bug's Lair. First of all, let's start with what was explained explicitly. This site is focused on reviewing cult, exploitation, sci-fi, b-movie, and horror movies. When I go to this site, I always make sure to have my netflix account opened and my "Movies to Get" list in front of me. The reason for this is that TLB does a great job of focusing on movies that I've never heard of but I wish I had. TLB also does a great job of focusing on the important points of a movie and using poignant verbiage such that I don't feel like I'm reading through a bunch of fluff searching for a nugget of interesting info.

To describe the what the the implicit part of the description above is the fun sense of humor that Mr. Bugg shows in these stories.He seems to enjoy what he does and hasn't become too cynical to have it affect the writing. There is a rating system that consists of 1/2 bugs to 5 bugs. Even for the films that received one bug or less, the review wasn't negative or angry, but more like sarcastic and funny.

Along with the main reviews and topics discussed, TLB also has many sidebar attractions. Some examples are Ladies' Night where some of the female contributors take the reins with their ideas and reviews, and B.L.O.G. which stands for the Beautiful Ladies of the Genre. There are many more sidebars, but none so appropriate, as we prepare for the Lucio Fulci show, as the Fulciary where Lucio Fulci's work is discussed (along with other Italian directors' work).

TLB is a member of LAMB (Large Association of Movie Blogs) and HorrorSociety.com's top 100 site's list. Their ranking in these lists are decided by hits and votes.

Head on over to http://www.thelightningbugslair.com/ to check it out. Don't forget to vote in the HorrorSociety's top 100 (linked on the page).

Give T.L. Bugg your patronage. You will definitely not be disappointed. Just remember to have your list of "movies you want to see" open because you will definitely see something you've never heard of.

Doctor's Rounds 01

2009-02-15T03:34:00.000-08:00

“Doctors Rounds” is a new, regular feature produced by Cadaverlab contributor, Doctor Smirnoff, summarising the most interesting (and bizarre) current stories related to horror movies & games. We hope you enjoy the column and hope to see your feedback on the forums soon!

Jason Vorhees: Possible Zombie, Definite Record Breaker!

Setting a new record for an R-rated movie, the remake of FRIDAY 13TH is reported to have a weekend projected gross of over $60million – having made almost $20m on it’s opening night. So, for all the criticism these remakes keep attracting, it’s fairly obvious to see why that the masses are willing to hand over the cash to see them! Good thing? Bad thing? Post your thoughts on the forums!

Even Newer NIGHTMARE Gets Director…

With the blood on Jason’s trademark machete barely dry after his weekend box-office massacre (see above), Michael Bay’s remake factory Platinum Dunes is already moving things forward with their retelling of A Nightmare on Elm Street.

And in a similar move to their approach to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, they’ve signed on a renowned music video director to bring us their vision of a Robert Englund-less Freddy.

It was announced this week that stepping behind the lens will be Sam Bayer - who apparently directed the instantly iconic video for Nirvana's 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' way back in the 90’s…

Whoever he is, Bayer must have made a positive impression on Platinum Dunes as he’s not only signed on to Nightmare but also FIASCO HEIGHTS, an original thriller set to be released by Universal.

Barker on New Pinhead Design…

Author, artist, director and Master of the Macabre™, Clive Barker has given his thoughts on Gary Tunnicliffe’s preliminary designs for Pinhead (found here), ahead of Pascal Laugier (Martyrs) reimagining of HELLRAISER. Barker’s main gripe?:

"The whole point about Pinhead is that he is geometrically severe… the energy of the character comes out of the fact that you have surgical precision... By turning the bloodless cuts or scarifications into bloody, irregular gashes removes the point of what made the character interesting in the first place."

There seems to be a question mark around Tunnicliffe’s involvement in the new HELLRAISER. He as stated that his services were requested due to his work on parts 2–8. However, it is also rumoured that he is infact not involved at this point and was hoping to use the video as the start of a viral campaign and petition for his return!

In any case, I think we now know which way Clive Barker will be voting!

H2: (Flash)Back to Haddonfield…

Alongside reports of Malcolm McDowell reprising his role of Dr. Loomis in H2, Rob Zombie’s sequel to his own remake of HALLOWEEN, comes confirmation that Daeg Farch will also be returning as “young Michael Myers”. Other definite cast members joining McDowell and Farch are Bill Moseley and fellow TCM2 star Caroline “Stretch” Williams.

Those who have seen the Directors Cut of Zombie’s HALLOWEEN will recall that Loomis survived in that version, making a return possible. However, the signing of Farch can only mean one thing – flashbacks!

As a fan of the SAW franchise, I’m used to seeing gratuitous flashbacks to the one strand of originality that made the first movie interesting. So this isn’t that much of a shock for me… but how about you? Post your thoughts on the forums!

Episode 24: Poppin' Sam's Cherry

2009-02-13T22:53:00.000-08:00

As uncomfortable as the title makes us, we decided to take care of some business on this show. We thought we'd pop Sam's cherry. Now... all of you sick-minded bastards can relax, we're using that to describe the fact that we want to break Sam out of his "noob" status. We chose three films to talk about this week, all of which have some kind of significance in the horror genre as a whole and some would say that one can't be a true horror fan until one has seen these. So for those who wanted to try to catch us pressure washing the aluminum trombone, I am sorry!

Although we could have added so many great titles to this list, this week we're going to discuss Nosferatu 1922, City of the Living Dead 1980, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974.

Download Episode Directly

Nosferatu 1922 - One of the first horror movies ever made, Nosferatu A Symphony of Horror uses skilled acting and great atmosphere to portray the message that is typically illustrated through speech. Here's a taste:

City of the Living Dead 1980 - Written and directed by Lucio Fulci, you know that this is going to be one gory ride. Having the award of being the only film that actually made Mike barf, this film delivers on the violence and gore. Here's a trailer:

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974 - Tobe Hooper's gritty masterpiece. We are treated to the most psychotic family in existence (except for maybe the family in Mum and Dad). One of Mike's all-time favorite movies, this is a dirty, nasty, ugly, film.

Also, don't forget to check out a little link that McPierce shared with us:

The Texas Chainsaw Manicure @ Yahoo! Video

Music for this episode:

Angry Gnome in Heavy Metal Magazine Update!

2009-02-09T17:48:00.000-08:00

It's official! The Spring issue of Heavy Metal Magazine is hitting the stands tomorrow. This issue is going to feature Shawn Gabborin's story Home Late!

Here is the link to purchase the issue online.

Let's make sure to support our resident Comic Creator by purchasing the issue and letting Heavy Metal know how much we loved Home Late!

Robert Best on Bubba Ho Tep

2009-02-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

So, it turns out Elvis is alive and living out his final years in a nursing home. Except no one believes he's Elvis. They think he's just a crazy old man. Which he may be. Then again, he might be Elvis. And did I mention that Elvis is played by Bruce Campbell? How cool is that?

Elvis' best friend in the nursing home is an old African-American man. Who swears he's JFK, alive and hidden in a nursing home. And he's played by Ossie Davis. Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis. Again, how cool is that?

And all is not well at the nursing home. A mummy, dressed up like a cowboy, is killing the residents at night. I'd tell you how, but that would spoil it. Let's just say he's killing them and it's up to Elvis and JFK to stop him.

I love this movie. It's as much fun as it sounds. And it turns out that an aging, foul-mouthed Elvis is the role Bruce Campbell was born to play. Other than Ash, of course.

Watch it!

Tweet Me? WTF?

2009-02-08T21:24:00.000-08:00

Mike here... Just signed up on Twitter. I tried to find everybody who I thought would be on there, but I'm sure there are many more that I missed. I don't know the correct twit-equite or what, so maybe I'm just a big whore, but go to http://twitter.com/mikecadaverlab to follow.

I didn't know what Twitter was really before today, but I can see how it can get addictive as hell.

See you up there!

Can I Please be Uninvited?

2009-02-07T19:53:00.000-08:00

So I checked out The Uninvited and took one for the team. You know, Mike and I went to go try to see the Unborn when it came out and were accosted by teeny boppers while we were going to wait in line. Luckily, we decided to give it up and find something else to do. That same crowd showed up to The Uninvited and made it a very Unfun movie.

This is a movie about a girl who has had a horrible accident take her mother who was dying of a terminal illness, which results in Anna trying to kill herself and being put in a mental institution. The story picks up 10 months later when Anna is allowed to leave only to find out that her mother's nurse who was played by Elizabeth Banks (hottie) has moved in and is Anna's father's girlfriend. Anna plots with her sister Alex to find out what really happened the night of her mother's death which leads to some twists and turns, and dramatic music.

I'll have to admit that there were some good scare moments, but they could have taken a page out of the Japanese Horror genre and put more subtle scares in. Case in point - there was a moment where Anna is in the attic going through her mother's old stuff and I fully expected to see something like a dead hand move in the background. No such luck. The scary moments were prefaced by intense music and slow moving motions to doors so not very surprising at all. There was a moment that I cringed. It involved a graphic, gruesome discovery, with a visual and audio that I will not soon forget while two people start making out. That's all I am going to say because it really was the highpoint of the movie and I wouldn't want you to expect it.

Now I generally judge a movie on how realistic the reactions of the characters are to information revealed and what they do with that information. Another example - Anna finds out that Elizabeth Banks character has changed her name and is not who she says she is. For some inexplicable reason Anna and Alex decide not to approach their father with the information, instead they decide to attend a dinner party and then go to the police the next day. Wouldn't you think you should tell someone close to you about potentially important info like that? Sorry, I shouldn't be knit-picky about stuff like that but I do.

All of this is set up to give us a "giant twist" that seems to give all of the teeny boppers a headache (at least what I could tell from posts they had put on Fandango about the movie). The twist wasn't that hard to follow, but it is a twist that we have seen way to often as of late. I am not going to give it away, but I can give you a list of movies that end the same way if you would like it. Overall, the journey was alright, but the girls talking and screaming and then laughing at themselves screaming was enough to annoy me. I give this a redbox, and it would probably be better without the teenage audience and their commentary.

Dr. Smirnoff Shares an Interview with "The Chin"

2009-02-07T19:04:00.001-08:00

One of our British friends, Dr. Smirnoff, found an awesome interview with Bruce Campbell. This interview was broadcast on BBC radio on February 6th. This interview will only be available to listen to until 4:02pm Friday 13th February (That's about 11:02 am next Friday). Here's some text that Dr. Smirnoff sent along with the link:

The Chin was interviewed by the BBC on Radio 5 Live as part of the weekly movie hour with Mark Kermode (reknowned film critic and horror fan who used to write for Fangoria). Anyway, the reason this is of even limited interest is due to the fact that Mr. Campbell basically says there will never be an Evil Dead 4... big news for us fans, no?

Follow this link!

Friends of the Show: Angry Gnome Comics

2009-02-07T10:46:00.000-08:00

Shawn Gabborin and his wife Stephanie are the creators of Angry Gnome Comics. Shawn does the writing while Stephanie excels at illustrating the stories that Shawn comes up with. I have to admit that the Short Stack by Angry Gnome was my first real experience with comics at all. I have purchased and read issues1-3 of their Short Stack series as well as issues 1-3 of Victor Season. Let's just say that Angry Gnome loves their stories dark!

Shawn has since recommended many other comics that I have checked out including The Walking Dead and Preacher trades. Between Shawn's original work and his recommendations, I have become a convert and I have found myself frequenting local comic shops on a regular basis.

We have recently received news that one of Shawn's stories is going to be featured in Heavy Metal Magazine! The story that will be featured is called Home Late which is written by Shawn Gabborin and illustrated by Mario Cau. It will be in Heavy Metal Magazine issue 122 which is one of their special Spring issues. HERE is a link to their special issues page. At the time of this writing, it hasn't been placed on that page yet, but hopefully it will soon. The issue is due to be available on February 10th. Note: the issue cover in this story is not the cover of the spring issue. It is the cover of the fall issue... but what a great cover!

Not only is Shawn a very talented storyteller, but he has worked very hard to get to this point in his comic career. I just want to urge everybody to purchase the spring issue and make sure to contact Heavy Metal Magazine with your thoughts on Shawn's entry to their magazine. This is a big step for Angry Gnome Comics and we prompt everybody to support them! I will definitely be purchasing this issue... and not only because it gives me a legitimate excuse to buy Heavy Metal Magazine without my wife thinking I'm just getting it to look at the hot chicks!

If you want more information on Angry Gnome Comics visit their site or go directly to their store

Friends of the Show Series

2009-02-07T09:41:00.000-08:00

Over the past six months that we've been putting out the podcast, we've made some friends. Friends that are working to build up the horror community as a whole. I am actually surprised at the amount of talent that is out there both from those who are writers, illustrators, and musicians, but also from those who create informative and fun podcasts, blogs, and websites.

We're going to do a series of stories about independent horror community contributors. Not because we think they need our help to get noticed, but more to show our appreciation of the support that they've given our show. Since life gets busy, the frequency of these stories showing up on the front page may be a little sketchy, but both Sam and I appreciate their support and want to make sure everybody who visits the site knows who these people are.

Episode 23: Vampire Origins

2009-02-06T22:27:00.001-08:00

This week's topic is Vampire Origins. We talk about different myths and legends from around the globe regarding the origination of the vampire. Since we ran a little long, we weren't able to get into the depth that we would have liked, but we are able to discuss some very interesting myths.

We are treated to a few "Impersonate Sam" entries. We also go over some voicemails and emails. One email even mentions how Sam can pop his cherry.

Download Directly

We discuss three films that focus on the origination story of the vampires involved:

Tsui Hark's Vampire Hunters (2002):

I've actually found this whole film on Youtube. If you follow THIS link, you will be pointed to part one. It is broken into many 10 minute parts. You will be able to see subsequent parts in the "Related Videos" section of the page. For those of you who want to take a quick peek at the first 10 minutes, here it is:

Dracula 2000 (2000):

A decent film with an awesome vampire origin story. This film has one of the greatest reveals of any movie in the last 10 years. Unfortunately many genre cliches are present and quite distracting. Here is the trailer:

Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula (2000):

As luck would have it, this entire film is also on Youtube. Both Sam and I really enjoyed this historical look at Vlad Tepes' story... before he became a vampire. Great acting, great set design, and an interesting story make this made for TV film very enjoyable. Again, here is a link to the first portion of the film. Look at the "Related Videos" section for subsequent selections.

Musical Selections for this episode:

Nevermore - The Heart Collector
Monster Magnet - See You in Hell
Sentenced - Drain Me

Robert R. Best's Review of Aswang

2009-02-04T10:09:00.000-08:00

So, say you've decided to put your unborn child up for adoption. And a weird rich guy wants to adopt your baby. And part of the deal is that you have to live with the rich guy in his isolated house until the baby is born.

The message of Aswang: don't do it!

Because it turns out an aswang is a Filipino vampire that feeds on unborn babies while still in the womb. So guess why the weird rich guy wants your baby. See, told you to listen to Aswang.

This low budget movie from the early 90's is creepy and nasty, like you would expect from a movie with this subject matter. Sometimes the low budget hampers the movie a little, but sometimes it helps too, by giving the whole thing a surreal, off feeling that really adds to the overall effect.

I liked it.

30 Days of Night... A Second Opinion

2009-02-02T16:03:00.000-08:00

In Episode 22, we talked about 30 Days of Night and both Sam and I really enjoyed the film. Well, let's get another person's take on the subject. Here's Robert R. Best with his review:

So there's this tiny town in Alaska where, once a year, it is dark for 30 days. The few residents who stay each year hunker down for the dark cold month. Until one year, when vampires show up.

That's a nice, solid set-up. And it's handled well. The early parts of the film, before the sun has gone down, set up a good feeling of approaching doom. Someone has stolen all the cell phones and destroyed them. Someone has killed all the dogs in town. A weird stranger has shown up at the diner and is demanding bowls of raw hamburger.

Dealing with all this is the town sheriff, played surprisingly well by Josh Hartnett. He and the few residents of the town are trying to sort out what's going on when the vampires arrive.

A lot of effort went into making these vampires very different from the romantic, tormented souls we've become used to. These vampires are feral and animalistic. Smart, but more like animals than anything else. And this presentation works, especially the excellent performance by Danny Huston as the leader of the vampires.

Its a solid movie. Above average, but missing something I can't put my finger on. There's just no real wow-factor to push this movie into greatness. And it feels like it could have been great. Still, worth seeing.

Keith Latch Bestseller Review!

2009-02-01T12:07:00.000-08:00

As if we needed any more reason to get into Keith Latch's books, there has been another review posted by CoffeeTimeRomance.com. You ask, "Romance? What is a review of Bestseller doing on a romance site?" my answer is that Keith's books can be enjoyed by everyone. Here's the review:

Robert Caulder has always wanted to be an author but has never managed to complete a book. Then, he had a near fatal road accident, recovered from a weeklong coma, and returned home to find he could suddenly write. However, now he writes million dollar horror books, something he had never even read before.

Danielle Greer wants to be a literacy agent. When she finds unpublished author Robert Caulder’s first novel on her desk, she knows he is going to be her road to success.

When Robert writes, he does not know what he is going to write until he reads it on the screen in front of him. He knows something is helping him and believes it to be the medication he received after his accident and when that runs out, Robert turns to other drugs. But it is not just his writing ability that has changed; everything about him has become darker.

Mr Latch has an amazing writing ability. I have not read many books of this standard. His descriptions are clear and colorful; I could imagine what the characters were seeing and feeling. I found myself fascinated by the publishing process, how the author, agent and publisher interacted. I was, however, disappointed that the darker twist to the story was limited to the last few chapters of the book. I think the entity known as Always should have made his presence known earlier.

Hollie
Reviewer for Coffee Time Romance & More

Here is a link to the page

Bestseller is available for purchase HERE.

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans Review

2009-02-01T10:10:00.001-08:00

I finally made it out to see Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. I must say that having loved both earlier entries in the series, I had high hopes for this film. First of all, this was one of the few "horror" movies that I could enjoy with my wife. Our movie tastes are so different that rarely is there a film that exists in the overlap of our movie-tastes Venn diagram. Secondly, I love Rhona Mitra and I was very excited to see her in the character of Sonja.

As most of you know, this film tells the story of Lucian, a lycan destined for better things than slavery. Throughout the film we see Lucian's appointment change from a life rooted in slavery to becoming the savior of his people. Somewere along the way he falls in love with Sonja, daughter of Viktor who is the leader of the vampires. The problem is that the lycans are the slaves of the pious vampires and such a relationship is forbidden.

My feelings on this film are a little mixed. On one hand, Bill Nighy (as Viktor) and Michael Sheen (as Lucian) do a great job at portraying their respective characters. I love both actors and they did a great job portraying their characters. The film delivered the same dark style as it's predescessors. There was a good mix of CGI and practical creature effects. The only problem is at a few points, it was fairly obvious that the lycan running around was CGI. I also really enjoy the story and mythos on which the film was based.

One problem was that we face before the film even starts is that there was really no possible way to be shocked or surprised with the plot points because we already know exactly how it ends. I realize that this is a common issue with many prequels that come after the fact and deal with the same story arch as the other films in the series. The whole story in ROTL was outlined in the original Underworld.

The action was great. The battles between the vampires and the lycans treated us to great death scenes and lots of excitement. However there were parts where the story slowed down to a crawl.

After all that has been said, I enjoyed the film. It was fun. It had me rooting for the lycans against the "evil" vampire clan. As I said above, Michael Sheen and Bill Nighy did a stellar job. Michael Sheen, especially, played his character Lucian as well as he could have been played. Rhona Mitra was stunning and a great replacement as the beautiful, yet misunderstood, leading lady. This wasn't an earth-shattering film experience, but it was enjoyable.

I give this film a Buy for a couple of reasons. First of all, I need this in my collection to be a completist, but more importantly, I see this as a film that I can watch over and over. Not too heavy, not to light, but very watchable.

-- Mike

Episode 22: Cold as Shit

2009-01-30T19:02:00.000-08:00

Here are some show notes from the new episode:

What is more appropriate at this chilly time of year than to discuss films that take place in cold and isolated environments? Sam and Mike tackle three films; The Last Winter 2006, 30 Days of Night 2007, and John Carpenter's The Thing 1982. We discuss why this setting lends itself well for horror films as well as our thoughts on good ways and bad ways to express political opinions via film.

We also get our first entry to the "Imitate Sam" contest. You're guaranteed to laugh your ass off when you hear this.

Lastly, this week we take a step back and play some guilty pleasures for the musical selections...

Call us at (206) 339-2730 to leave a voicemail or email us at feedback@cadaverlab.com.

Remember to pick up your "Love Your Junk" bracelets by clicking the store link above!

Click here for all the show notes

Evil Zombie Usses!

2009-01-29T21:44:00.000-08:00

So, I know this is lame, but... I had some extra time this week and we did some chatting over on the Midnight Podcast forums about getting "Zombie Portraits". We talked about sites like http://www.zombieportraits.com/.

Well, me being the dumbass that I am, I thought I'd take a shot. I am in no way a graphic designer, but I figured that I'd at least take a stab at making a zombie me. So, I took a pic of myself and gave it a shot. I kind of liked the way my zombie turned out, so I tried making one of Sam. Sam sent over 4 or 5 pics of himself and I chose the one that looked most like a mugshot.

They look different from each other in color and tone even though I followed the tutorial to the letter with both attempts.

I figured that I'd put them up here since I think that they are, if nothing else, pretty funny. I also added them on the "About Us" page.

So... Here they are.

Sam:

Mike:

Hellraiser Deader Review - SPOILERS! by Robert R. Best

2009-01-26T18:34:00.000-08:00

Kari Wuhrer smokes. And does investigative reporting. Like taking pictures of crack addicts in their natural environment. This gets her on the front page. So she smokes.

Her boss gives her a tape to watch. She smokes and does so. The tape shows a weird cult, known as Deaders, killing themselves and coming back to life. This freaks Kari Wuhrer out, so she smokes.

She investigates the Deaders, going to Eastern Europe so she can smoke and remind us all vaguely of Hostel and how much money that made.

Things quickly stop making any sense. Kari Wuhrer smokes and runs around a lot. And gets stabbed without dying. And has flashbacks about her abusive father. And smokes.

Eventually we sort of learn that the Deaders have tampered in Pinhead's domain and Pinhead is pissed. The Deaders want Kari Wuhrer to smoke and kill herself so they can do something or other. She refuses. Pinhead shows up and kills all the Deaders. Kari Wuhrer escapes Pinhead by killing herself, which is suddenly a good thing now. Pinhead goes "Nooooooo!"

The end.

Did I mention how much Kari Wuhrer smokes in this movie? It's a lot.

Episode 21: Sci-Fi Horror

2009-01-25T21:34:00.001-08:00

We've finally released Episode 21. Here are some notes on the episode:

This week Mike and Sam discuss a few selections that fall into the genre of Sci-Fi Horror. We realize that this topic is not the most unique, but we put our spin on the topic. We review Galaxy of Terror 1981, Event Horizon 1997, and the classic Alien 1979.

In this episode, Sam gets called a name that he just can't seem to die and a flame-war is started with another podcast... kind of.

Don't forget about our "Impersonate Sam" contest. We have an awesome prize package for the the person who calls our voicemail with the best impression of Sam!

Call us at (206) 339-2730 to leave a voicemail or email us at feedback@cadaverlab.com.

Remember to pick up your "Love Your Junk" bracelets by clicking the store link above!

We also get a great writeup HERE by a very talented listener named Cindy. Visit her article and her other work!

Lastly, check out all of the show notes HERE.

Robert R. Best Reviews Zombie

2009-01-21T23:19:00.001-08:00

There are some movies you love more than they deserve.

Zombie - a 1979 Italian movie by Lucio Fulci - is one of those movies for me.

70's/80's Italian horror can be a bit of an acquired taste. They tend to be loosely written, slow and heavy on the gore. Horror fans raised on shaky-cam and jump cuts tend to find them unbearable. Oh well. Their loss.

And to that the fact that Lucio Fulci wasn't necessarily the greatest director of all time. He made loose, sloppy movies which moved slowly and in which acting was - well, incidental to the whole process. But there's a gleeful sleaziness to his movies, a willingness to get to the nasty gory point, that I just love.

So, on to what many consider his classic, Zombie. Well, it's known in America as Zombie. In the UK, it's known as Zombie Flesh Eaters. And in Italy it was released as Zombi 2. Interestingly, there was no Italian movie called Zombi. There was an American movie released in Italy as Zombi, which was known in America as Dawn Of The Dead. Confused?

Okay. Let's back up. While Fulci is making Zombie, Romero's Dawn Of The Dead is a huge hit in Italy under the name Zombi. To cash in on this, Fulci's film is then released as Zombi 2, as though it's a sequel to Dawn Of The Dead, which it's not. Still confused?

Oh well. Let's just call it Zombie.

Story time! A seemingly abandoned boat floats into New York Harbor. The harbor patrol discovers a zombie on board. The zombie attacks and is shot.

A journalist investigates the attack, and meets a woman whose father was supposed to be on the boat. They trace the trail - do boats leave trails? - back to an island with an outbreak of . . . malaria! Oh, I mean, zombies! They go to the island and zombie attacks ensue.

And that's pretty much the plot. But that's not why you watch this movie. You want to see disgusting zombies. And you do. Fulci's zombies also look more - well, corpse-y than Romero's zombies. They really do look like corpses. Like this guy:

And there's lots of gore. Gobs of it. Including one of the most infamous gore scenes of all time. If you haven't seen it, here's how it starts:

Guess how that plays out. And, there's also this:

And that's all you really need to know. This movie has a zombie fighting a shark.

A zombie. Fighting a shark.

Enjoy.

Robert R. Best Series of Reviews: Calvaire

2009-01-19T20:32:00.000-08:00

Robert R. Best has offered to submit a series of film reviews. We, here at the Cadaver Lab, feel lucky to have him send these into us because of his entries into horror literature. Make sure to visit him online at http://robertrbest.synthasite.com/.

Review of Calvaire:

This is a Belgian film from a few years back. It's disturbing, perverse and worth seeing.

Our hero is a low-level singer who is touring the countryside, playing nursing homes and things like that. And we gather that he considers himself better than the sad, lonely people he is performing for.

While on the way to another show, he ends up stranded in a depraved village being terrorized by a depraved innkeeper. And all sorts of nasty things ensue. And his distaste for the sad and lonely quite literally comes back to fuck him in the ass. And crucify him. And force him to wear dresses.

Also features a pig being violated and the strangest dancing you'll ever see. How strange? So strange that I feel compelled to mention it on top of the other things I've listed.

Watch it.

Trust me.

Forum Upgrade in Progress!!!

2009-01-16T21:22:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to add certain features to the forums such as video embedding and rss feeds, we are currently upgrading the version of the forum. You may notice that the template looks a little different.

This process will happen in stages. Everyone will be able to post as usual and hopefully soon it will be back to normal as far as looks go.

Big Winters and his thoughts on Saw

2009-01-15T21:55:00.000-08:00

Junior Cadaver Lab correspondent Big Winters is always there to bring us his fresh take on what some would consider "the classics". Here he is now with his thoughts on a film that is somewhat more contemporary.

I like Saw…does that make me a douchebag? (Trust me BW, it's not the fact that you like Saw that makes you a douchebag :) mb)

With the boundaries of horror being pushed to more extreme plains, and the search for good-enough, original plots becomes harder and harder, we get remakes, blatant rip-offs and films like Saw and Hostel. On the surface, both films are simply excuses for cinematic violence, and on the inside there is a plot trying to get out. Unfortunately, it seems the plot drowned in the amount of blood in both of these series of films.

With the maturity of today’s youth, which I am apart of unfortunately, it’s not surprising that these ‘torture-porn’ films are becoming more and more popular. People below the adult-borderline are desperate to cross it, and so look for more and more ‘adult’ films. The funny thing here though is that once you crossed that line, it somehow clears your view, and you can finally see what they really are.

Let me make it clear though, I only like the first Saw film.

I can only reference Saw 1 to 3 in this retrospect/review, but from what Ive been told that’s probably a good thing, with the awfulness of the fourth and fifth. However, 1, 2 and 3 serve quite an adequate representation for the genre as a whole.

The first film, is widely regarded as ‘pretty-good’, while I may even venture to rate this film as ‘pretty-awesome’. The hardly-existent story revolves around two guys called Adam, and Lawrence. One is a family man, and the other is a loner photographer. They both awaken in a nasty bathroom chained.

The rest of the story is then played out in a confusing set of flashbacks, which can be understood if you try hard enough. The flashbacks range from past trials, one survivor of a game, and how they ended up in their current predicament. These also range from generally creepy, to kind of stupid.

Comparing this film to its sequels, there is an easy-to-see difference. The difference is evident in the gore. In this film, problematic situations are chosen over exaggerated gore. One scene particular illustrates this point; the titular sawing through the leg scene. The camera angles used are mostly close-ups of faces and quick cuts to the foot. Compare that to Saw 3, where limbs are being twisted 360 degrees with close-ups of bone going through flesh; it’s not hard to see where the more sensible movie watchers stepped off.
Another difference from Saw to its sequel is the tension. With the original, the ‘players’ of Jigsaw’s games have until 6 o’clock to get out of the trap. Compare this to Saw 3, where Jeff has about two minutes to save the women from freezing to death. Where’s the tension for potential escape? There isn’t, as the viewers really want to see people die in horrible ways, apparently.

Along with the increase in the amount of blood, the films are becoming more caught up in ‘tense moments’, and ‘life and death choices’. However, when people are getting drowned in pig entrails, who really cares about realistic life choices? Immersing yourself in the film only works if what’s happening is feasible. Also, it helps if you actually care about the characters in the story, which I don’t. If they stopped telling us their life story, and wasting time, I might actually care. Again, it may be realistic, but who cares? No-one does, because if you are still watching, the only thing you’ll want to see is people getting killed.

The sequels of Saw are also lacking in ingenuity, which was supposedly thrown out to fit in the gore. The cunning ways that Jigsaw plays Lawrence and Adam against each other is rarely seen in many other movies. The cruel twist at the end of the film is also genius, with a death that isn’t as brutal, but yet still worse than others in the series (well, if we skip the flashback in 3, WHICH WE ARE). This film can also be described as a mental torture film, rather than the physical variety, which the sequels plainly are. The mental variety will always be preferable in films, due to its possible to ‘break the third wall’, and bring you into the film.

At the end of the day though, the first film is good. I came into this film after watching the trailers for all the others, and expecting a mess of blood, and preachy meanings. What do you get though? Well, you get decent tension, imaginative kills, and that guy from Lethal Weapon… no, not that guy, the other one. Not a bad deal, the sequel should be good to, oh wait…